


Coping Mechanisms

by stuffedtacos



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Hospitalization, I will add more tags if I continue this, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Touching, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, That's only mentioned and referenced a couple times there's no super graphic scene, The drugs is only once though, Torture, ask to tag, depictions of torture, they are all traumatized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:04:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10618485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffedtacos/pseuds/stuffedtacos
Summary: 6 months have passed since the paladins have returned to earth. They are all coping. Some are doing better than others, but none of them are totally 'normal' after what they experienced.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that I used to vent and make characters I love suffer™ For no reason. It gets kind of graphic in later chapters, but I'm not sure if I am going to continue that far. Let me know if you need me to tag anything because I want everyone to stay safe!

_His face was bleeding so much his vision was blurred with red. He had always liked the color red, but not like this. Not here. Not with someone in front of him holding a knife playfully between his fingers. Not with the sensation of cold chains chafing his wrists. Not with the sound of screams next to him, behind him, from him._

      Keith awoke breathless. He looked around, clutching the knife he kept under his pillow. He was in his room. In his bed. Alone. Like he always was. Like he had been for six months. He picked up his phone and checked the time, ignoring how his heart hammered in his chest. 3:22 am. He had slept longer this time. Normally his nightmares woke him up around 1. He unlocked his phone to find he had six unanswered texts. All from Lance of course.

 **1:17 am**  
****

**Lance:** Hey buddy  
****

**Lance:** Guess who can’t sleep because of anxiety  
****

**Lance:** THIS GUY

 

 **2:45 am**  
****

**Lance:** Fuck you’re actually sleeping

 **Lance:** I envy you  
****

**Lance** : Also, please help if you can I actually feel like shite. i dont want to drink again but

 

      Keith felt a sharp pain in his stomach. He had missed an opportunity to help Lance. Keith dialed the number quickly, praying that Lance was still awake. Praying that he wasn’t too late. Praying that-

      “Hey buddy,” Lance’s voice rang through Keith’s ears. His voice was lower than normal, and slurred.

      “Hey,” Keith answered. “Just got your texts, sorry. What’s up?”

      “Oh I’m chill now,” Lance said casually. “What’s up with you?”

      “Lance?” Keith asked. “You’re drunk aren’t you?”

      “You know it,”

      “We talked about this,” Keith sighed.

      “Unhealthy coping mechanisms amirite?” Lance joked.”You’re a hypocrite anyway. We all know what that knife is for.”

      “For protection,”

      Lance laughed. “Yeah from the tiny monsters on your wrist. Gotta slice em away huh keef?”

      “Jesus christ,” Keith felt a twinge of guilt. Sure he had used the knife to cut himself but that was only in the worst of cases. Besides, he had been clean for two months now.

      “Don’t use the lord’s name in vain~” Lance sung. The sound of glass hitting the floor rang through Keith’s phone.

      “What was that?” Keith asked.

      “Beer bottle,” Lance answered. “Fell off the counter.”

      “Come on, please stop drinking. Get some help. You can’t keep doing this,” Keith felt his voice break a little.

      “Look when I’m drunk I can’t remember anything so just let me do this,” Lance’s voice had raised slightly.

      “Please,”

      “No,”

      Tears fell from Keith’s eyes for the 12th time that week. “Don’t end up like Shiro,”

      “So what if I do? No one cares.”

      “I care!” Keith was yelling now. “You can’t leave me like he left me. He was the closest thing I had to family. And now he’s gone. Pidge won’t talk to me because of what they made me do. Hunk is in the hospital, you’re all I have left Lance. Please, please, please, stop this.”

      “Shut up Keith that’s gay,” Lance laughed.

      “You’re impossible,” Keith sighed. He was about to give up. “I still have that extra room.”

      “Hah,” Lance laughed sarcastically. “So I can hear you screaming every night? No thanks.”

      “Come over today,”

      “Nope, too busy,”

      “Tomorrow?”

      “You already know I won’t,”

      “Text me later then,”

      “You got it,”

      “Bye,” Keith sighed as he hung up the phone. Everything was disappearing before his eyes. Shiro, found hanging in his closet one night. Pidge, living with Allura and Coran in some studio apartment in New York. Last he heard, her anxiety was off the charts, going to therapy five times a week and being checked into the hospital once a month. She hadn’t talked to Keith since they went their separate ways. He only knew how she was doing because of Allura. The princess had called him once a night after Shiro died. She was completely broken, and without Coran, she wouldn’t have made it. Hunk had been permanently admitted into the psychiatric ward at UCLA in California. He was a nervous wreck before, now he had hallucinations and post traumatic stress episodes on top of his every day anxiety and depression.

      Lance. After he moved into his own place in L.A. -- about a half an hour away from Keith’s apartment -- he had gotten hooked on cocaine. That addiction lasted for about a month before he went to rehab. Lance was totally off cocaine now, but kept finding other small addictions. After the cocaine, he was totally sober for two weeks, only to find that depression would overcome him and he wouldn’t even be able to function. He didn’t shower. He didn’t eat. He didn’t sleep. He turned to alcohol after finding that his Prozac wasn’t helping, no matter how much he upped the dosage. He had been found passed out in bars or in alleys on multiple occasions. He was a complete mess, but refused Keith’s help -- or any help at all.

      Keith checked his phone. No new messages. No new emails. No updates on social media. Why would there be? It was three in the morning. He rolled out of bed and pulled on a shirt. He worried about Lance most of all, because he was the only member of the team that Keith could access. The only member of the team that Keith could talk to in person. But he never did. He never got on his motorcycle and took the freeway to get to Lance’s house. He never showed up to Lance’s house with open arms and a speech telling him that he needs to get better and that he could get better. Maybe today would be that day, or maybe today would be the day he received a call telling him that Lance was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, I have decided to continue this and will be updating as regularly as I can! The only trigger warning I wouldn't have for this is that lance is drunk the whole time but he's drunk for a lot of this.

      Lance was very, very, very drunk. He couldn’t see two feet in front of him but at least he didn’t feel like shit. At least he wasn’t shaking in his bed terrified of what lurked behind his closed door. He felt nice when he was drunk. Like he was floating. But he still lashed out at Keith on the phone every time he was offered help. Lance knew he was unhealthy. He knew his liver was probably going to go haywire and kill him. He knew he wasn’t getting better. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. 

      Lance checked his phone again. Pidge was texting him. She was up at a normal time because she lived in New York and waking up at seven in the morning was actually acceptable.

      **3:57 am**

      **PigeHOEtto:** Hello Lance! I hope you’re sleeping, but I miss you tons and I really hope you’re doing better. Allura and Coran say hi, they saw me texting you. Also I don’t know why I always word my texts like a formal letter even though I text you every day so you don’t need to tease me. Pls. 

      **Me:** Damn you know I ain’t asleep.

      **Me:** I miss you too Pidge, when can you come visit

      **Me:** Also you will be spared teasing for today.

      Lance typed his responses carefully, he didn’t want Pidge to know he was drunk. She knew he drank a little but didn’t know it happened before 5pm. 

**PidgeHOEtto:** Oh, you’re up

      **PidgeHOEtto:** Well I’m coming out for spring break to see you and Hunk (if he’s okay and hospital is okay) also Allura and Coran will be coming with.

      **Me:** Spring break is next week

      **PidgeHOEtto:** Yep, got my tickets yesterday. 

      **Me:** BOIIIIIIIIII

      **Me:** Boutta be lit!!!!!!!!

      **Me:** But how are you doing by the way?

      **PidgeHOEtto:** A lot better than when we first started. I’m down to three therapy sessions a week and I don’t need to go to the hospital anymore. Aside from nights I’m actually beginning to feel like myself again.

      Lance read the message and sighed. Of course she was feeling better. She actually had a support system, not a shelf of vodka.

      **Me:** That’s great pidge

      **Me:** I cant wait to see you

      **Me:** Are you going to visit the angry boy?

 

      Lance knew exactly what Keith did to her. He knew what could happen if she saw Keith or even read his name. He had been there when Keith did what he did. He had heard her screams. And although Lance knew that Keith didn’t know or he would never hurt Pidge, he also knew what seeing someone who tortured you like Keith did could do to a person. Immediately following their rescue, Pidge had been forced to cooperate with Keith, but she still didn’t talk to him or hear his apologies.

      **PidgeHOEtto:** I doubt it

      **PidgeHOEtto:** Does he even want to see me?

      **PidgeHOEtto:** Never mind

      **PidgeHOEtto:** I don’t want to know the answer to that. 

      **Me:** Okay

      **Me:** I miss ya 

      **Me:** I can’t wait to see you. 

      **Me:** You make me want to be better

      **PidgeHOEtto:** Ditto

      Lance sighed and put his phone down. His apartment was really dark. It was kind of gross now that he was really looking around. There were broken glasses and unidentifiable stains all around him. And that was just in his bedroom. If Pidge was coming to visit, she would not be happy to see Lance live in a pigsty like this. And Allura and Coran would give another one of their lectures. He picked up his phone again. 

      “Yo Keith come over today?” It was a statement phrased as a question. Lance already knew the answer but he couldn’t drag Keith to his apartment. That would be rude. They hadn't met face to face in a few weeks, so it was only polite to ask.

      “Why?” Keith sounded very skeptical. “If this is a booty call then you have the wrong Keith.”

      “No I have the right Keith, and it’s not a booty call unless you want it to be,” Lance would kill to see how flustered Keith was after that sentence. “I need help cleaning my place. Come around 9?”

“I-Um-Yeah sounds good,” Keith stammered out before the line went dead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter for today, it's a little shorter, sorry but contains some fluff before it gets too sad.

      Keith showed up at Lance’s apartment at nine in the morning. Sharp. He had spend an hour on his hair alone. His hair had grown out, too much. He really needed a haircut. There was no time really. He was stressed constantly, jumpy at the slightest noise, but right now he felt like he was in high school, waiting to take some boy out on a date ( if it was a date then that would be great but Keith tried not to think about that).He hadn’t seen his friend in a few weeks, only talking on the phone and over text, and he wanted what could be their last moments together memorable. Keith raised his hand to the door and knocked gently. There was shuffling inside but the door swung open to reveal Lance smiling in the doorway. 

      Keith thought Lance looked good. He was clean shaven, wearing clean clothes, and smiled like he always did. But there was still something off about his appearance. His eyes were too tired. He had very dark circles under his eyes and something about his expression made him look pained. 

      “Hey Keith,” Lance said cheerily when he opened the door. “How ya doin buddy? Come on in!”

      Keith stepped hesitantly into the room. “Um I’m good. Jesus Lance this place is a shit hole.” It really was a shit hole. Clothes were all over the floor as were empty food wrappers, plastic plates, plastic cutlery, and of course, plastic cups, broken cups, bottles, and broken bottles. 

      “That’s why you’re here isn’t it?” Lance shot back. “Sorry, I’m not drunk right now so I’m a bit mean. But I’m also mean when I’m drunk. I’m hungover. Sorry.”

      “It’s fine,” Keith looked around, trying to figure out where to start. “Let’s start with the clothes on the floor, yeah?”

      Lance nodded and picked up a couple articles of clothing. “What do I do with them?”

      “Put them in a plastic bag, then wash them,” Keith instructed. “Do you have any trash bags or something?”

      “I think... “ Lance trailed off as he walked over to the kitchen. He returned a few moments later carrying a couple garbage bags. He handed one to Keith and the two picked up Lance’s clothes in silence. 

      Keith cleared his throat. “So, why are you cleaning all of a sudden? You got a girl coming over or something?”

      “Yep,” Lance laughed. “Two actually, and a guy.”

      “Sounds like you’re in for a fun night,”

      “Ew,” The blue paladin cringed at the thought. “It’s Pidge and Allura and Coran. Gross dude.”

      Keith stopped. “Oh.” There was another silence. The two continued cleaning. First picking up the clothes then the food then the cups and bottles.After about four hours, the place finally started looking nice again. 

      “Alright,” Lance said cheerfully. “I think that’s it!” 

      “Yep,” Keith responded curtly. “Well I’m gonna go, disassociate.” 

      “Hey,” Lance put his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

      “Nothing.”

      “No,” Lance moved in front of Keith. “You’ve listened to me enough, just talk to me okay?”

      Keith sighed. “Pidge won’t talk to me will she.”

      “No,” Lance wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulder. “She won’t, but you know it’s not your fault. Would you want to see those people who tortured you?”

      “But it is my fault Lance,” Keith’s voice began to crack. 

      “No it’s not, I was there too remember,” Lance used a calm voice, one that Keith used every time Lance had a panic attack or some kind of episode. For some reason, whenever one of them was going through something, the other stepped up. They were like each other's therapists, each other’s support systems. 

      “You weren’t,” Silent tears fell from Keith’s eyes. “You weren’t there, you didn’t know what I did. You don’t know what I thought, you don’t-you weren’t in the room, you-” 

      Lance gently led Keith into his bedroom as the red paladin burst into sobs. He gently put  Keith on the bed and placed a blanket over his friend before sitting down next to him. Lance wrapped his arm around him, letting Keith bury his face in his chest. The sounds of sobs filled the room for fifteen minutes. Lance stroked Keith’s hair with even, gentle strokes. He whispered reassuringly and did his best to make sure Keith felt safe. Eventually, there was only soft breathing and the occasional sniffle.

      “Hey,” Lance said softly. “You okay?”

      “Yeah,” Keith responded.

      “Do you want to talk about it?” 

      “Yeah,” Keith whispered and he began to talk. Suddenly, he was not in Lance’s arms. He was back in the hands of the Galra. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there's that, as always thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes here's this. Trigger warnings for this chapter include some mentions and descriptions of torture and lots of angst.

      He was blindfolded, gagged, chained. He felt the chains come off of him and fell to his knees. He felt the gag come out of his mouth, and gasped for air. His jaw ached. His muscles ached. The blindfold came off and Keith winced at the burst of light. He wasn’t in his cell, but in some brightly lit hallway. Piercing yellow eyes stared at him. 

      The Galra soldier spat in Keith’s face. “Pitiful human, you thought that it was over didn’t you? Well you don’t even know what’s coming for you.” Keith swallowed as he was thrown into another room. It was a cell not unlike his own, but instead of being empty, he saw Pidge quivering in the corner, chained to the wall. 

      Keith scrambled over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Pidge, oh thank god you’re here. Oh god what have they done to you? Have they- how bad- what happened?” 

      Pidge wrapped her arms around her friend so tightly her knuckles turned white. “Keith, oh god, oh god, you look awful. I'm okay, they haven't touched me yet. But look at you. Your face, your- oh.” She was touching his face, noting all his scars and cuts. The chafing on his wrists, how thin he had gotten, how he was still bleeding. Keith held her tightly, noticing for the first time how small she really was. They had never really been as close as others on the team, but now, they felt like the only two people in the world. They held on to each other, knowing that letting go might mean letting go of everything they had come to know in the past few months. 

      The door opened, making Keith look up quickly. “Ah, I see you two have gotten acquainted,” a soldier snarled. “You’ll be seeing each other quite a lot in the next few days. For now, Paladin of Red, come with me please.” 

      “Never!” Keith jumped up and attempted to punch the soldier. His hand was caught and was met with a sharp jab to his chest. Despite his struggles, handcuffs were wrapped around his wrists. 

      “Silly human,” The Galra laughed. “You’d be dead already if it wasn't for Haggar’s orders. We could squash you like a bug. Haggar wants to see you.” Keith was dragged away as Pidge screamed behind him as the door shut. 

\---

      “You know you're not human,” Haggar’s voice said. Keith couldn't tell exactly where it was coming from. He was tied to a chair, blindfolded. He knew there were several people around him. Those Galra with the weird purple lightning. “You are a Galra, just like Zarkon, just like the people that killed your precious princess’ family.” 

      “Shut up!” Keith yelled out. The response he got was a sharp pain in his side. It felt like his insides were being ripped out. He couldn't hold back a bloodcurdling scream.

      “Listen to me!” Haggar snarled. “You are just like them. You have the Galra blood in your veins. We both know that Voltron cannot win. You are but one robot and one ship against an entire army. We have already captured three of your paladins, including you. Some part of you knows the right thing to do. You are going to join our cause. And I know just the way to do it.” There was more pain. It came from everywhere, hitting almost every point in his body. Keith let out an inhuman scream. The pain lasted a full two minutes. He slumped in his chair, expecting to black out. 

      “Do you have anything to say Red Paladin?” Haggar asked. 

      “Where is Lance?” Keith managed to say. 

      “What?” Haggar clearly did not expect that question. 

      “The third paladin that's captured,” he responded. “The one that pilots the blue lion.”

      “That is none of your concern!” She yelled out. “Send him away. Back to the green paladin’s cell. I will meet him there later.” Hands grabbed Keith’s arms, but he was too weak to protest. He was dragged through the hall and thrown back into the cell. He felt gentle hands pull off the blindfold. Keith looked up and saw Pidge staring at him. She looked deeply concerned as she pulled his head gently into her lap. 

      “Keith?” She asked, but Keith couldn’t hear anymore. Everything was fading to black. The last thing he saw was Pidge yelling something at him but he couldn’t hear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the kind of slow update, I've been feeling a bit unwell but here it is. Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heres the chapter for today! There's some pretty graphic descriptions of torture (like with knives and implied psychological torture) but it's not super important just provides some backstory. This and the previous chapter can be skipped if need be.

      “Do you want to stop?” Lance asked, squeezing Keith’s arm in reassurance. 

      “I’m just gonna skip a couple bits but I want to keep talking,” Keith leaned into Lance’s grip. “So I stayed with Pidge and Haggar would come to see me and do… something to me. She would talk to me, tell me things that even I didn’t know about myself. And then I wasn’t me anymore.”

\---

      Keith was having strange thoughts. Instead of huddling next to Pidge at night he would cower away from and glare at her. He didn’t recognize her as his friend, but recognized her as the enemy. Haggar called to him like she did every day. Keith rose and followed her, no longer needing to be forced. She brought him to a room. It was a room they met in once a week and talked. Today, she brought food for him. Food which Keith devoured quickly.

      “Keith.” Haggar spoke gently, in a condecending tone she used often. “Thank you for being such a good pet to me in these past few weeks.”

      “Of course ma’am,” Keith smiled, he liked her now. She had fed him and talked to him. 

      “I want you to do something for me,” Haggar pulled out a small knife from her cloak. “Go to that… thing you call Pidge and hurt her. Hurt her with this knife until she screams and begs for mercy, and then hurt her some more.”

      “Of course ma’am,” Keith took the knife and walked back into the cell without any guidence. He closed the door behind him. 

      “Keith?” Pidge sat up, noting the gleam of the knife against the faint light. “What is that?”

      “Oh it’s nothing,” Keith crouched in front of her. 

      “Keith you don’t look… human,” She whimpered. 

      “It’s because I’m not,” He took out the knife and pressed it against her cheek. Blood spilled from the wound as Pidge screamed out. 

      “What are you doing?” She yelled. “Keith I’m your friend!” Keith couldn’t seem to hear her. He moved onto the other cheek, burying the knife deep into her flesh and dragging it down slowly. 

      She screamed but he kept cutting her. Every time she tried to grab him he would cut her hand. By the end of it she was bleeding from her face, arms, and legs. She was weeping silently in the corner, crying out for anyone that would listen, but mostly telling Keith to stop. They were friends. But he didn’t. He did this every day for two months. Until the rescue and until everything went back to normal. 

\---

      “Jesus Keith,” Lance said. “That was graphic, but still it wasn’t your fault, you know?”

      “No Lance you don’t understand,” Keith whispered. “I knew everything. I knew what I was doing, and I agreed with it!”

      “No you didn’t, she brainwashed you. She used you. She treated you like some kind of animal,”

      “But all she really did was turn on the Galra part in me,”

      “That’s not you. I know you. Keith you’re one of my best friends, you’re the only person who listens to me and come here when I need you. You could have just left. But you didn’t. You care about me, and you care about everyone. You still think about Pidge and what you did, and you feel horrible,” Lance was never one for big speeches but he wasn’t stopping now. “And Shiro, when he was alive he called you every night. He talked to you Keith. You. He kept everything fro, Allura for christ’s sake. The fucking love of his life. You were like a brother to him. He loved you so much. We all do. Hunk would tell me how you found him one night crying and you held him and made sure he was okay. You even helped Allura after Shiro died. You’re the best person I know. You help everyone. You make sure they’re okay. You’re the best person I have ever met.”

      Keith sat quietly. “Really?”

      “Yes,”

      “Lance,” Keith smiled. “I love you.”

      “Hey I love you too buddy,” Lance squeezed Keith’s shoulder gain. The two lay there, Keith under a blanket with Lance’s arms wrapped around him. For once it felt like they would be okay. Lance would stop drinking. Keith would stop having panic attacks and flashbacks. It would be just the two of them, lying in the darkness, listening only to the sound of their heartbeats. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! In this chapter they are all reunited (almost kind of not really). Pidge gets kinda nervous but no trigger warning for this chapter.

      Pidge stepped off the plane rubbing her eyes. Her hair was a mess, pulled into a loose ponytail. Allura had her arms wrapped protectively around her as Coran held onto their bags. She looked around, searching for a familiar face before she spotted Lance in the crowd. The second the two made eye contact, Pidge began to sprint through the crowded airport. She jumped into Lance’s arms, overwhelmed with happiness. He smelled like he always did, reminding her of their time spent in the Garrison, when this smell would fill the room, reminding her that she was home. 

      “Hey hey,” He said cheerfully. “How’s my favorite nerd doing?”

      “Oh shut up,” Pidge laughed playfully. 

      “Good afternoon Lance,” Allura spoke up. “It’s great to see you.”

      “Ah,” Coran said. “You’re looking fit, Lance.” The four reunited, exchanging hugs and laughing and smiling. They exited the airport, Pidge wincing at the bright Los Angeles sunlight. Lance led them to his car and opened the door for them. 

      “After you my lady,” Lance winked as he let Allura climb into the passenger seat. She glared at him but got in the car anyway. Lance drove down the highway, unsurprised at the traffic they were stuck in. The four of them made light conversation, with Allura complaining about how she got stopped at security and Pidge complaining about the delayed flight. Coran simply marveled at Lance’s car, telling stories about when he got his first vehicle. Lance pulled off the freeway when Pidge asked him something he really did not want to talk about. 

      “What’s this?” 

      It wasn’t the words that made him so nervous. It was what she was holding, and everything he would have to explain but just couldn’t. She was holding one of those tiny bottles of Vodka, the kind you get when you check out at the liquor store. Lance normally didn’t drink and drive but those tiny bottles were really adorable that he couldn’t really say no. 

      “Oh?” Lance laughed, trying to avoid the conversation. “I must have accidentally dropped that in the car or something.”

      “You’re not 21 yet Lance,” Pidge stated flatly. 

      “Ah yes that’s true,” He sighed. “But I don’t drink often so it’s fine. Only for little things.”

      “Okay…” Pidge stopped talking, but was clearly skeptical. Lance didn’t want her to worry, he didn’t want any of them to worry. They clearly had enough going on, especially Pidge. The rest of the drive was uneventful, with little traffic. Lance pulled into the parking structure of his apartment and attempted to carry all of their bags before nearly tripping over the wheels. Thankfully Coran stepped in and made sure the blue paladin didn’t fall on his face. 

\---

      “Okay,” Lance said opening the door. “There’s an extra bedroom and a pullout couch so, I can sleep there if you want just let me know.” Pidge ran into his apartment, looking like an excited child. She recognized everything in this room. Lance’s old sheets from the academy, the pictures of his family, the pictures of his time in space. Everything was just like how it was supposed to be. As she was looking around, she noticed Lance step outside to take a call.  _ Probably a work thing _ , she thought. She felt so safe in Lance’s apartment, with everything clean and tidy the way Lance always was. His skincare products all organized by color in the bathroom, his sheets perfectly ironed, everything in it’s right place. 

      “Hey Allura?” Pidge asked. The princess was looking at something, and kind of spacing out. “You okay there?” 

      She nodded and handed Pidge the picture she had been staring at. It was a picture of all of them. Hunk smiling with his arm loosely around Pidge while Lance stood behind them, making a stupid face. Keith stood off to the side looking emo as always, while Coran was a blurry image in the corner. Right in the middle stood Allura and Shiro, smiling like they always did. Shiro had his hands placed gently on Allura’s hips, like he usually did whenever she needed him. It had started as something friendly when he had seen her stressing over a recent attack, but then it became a reminder that he would always be there for her. 

      Pidge put the photograph down. “I miss him too Allura.”

      “I know,” The Altaen said quietly. “We all do.” 

      Lance barged into the room, causing Pidge to jump. “Hey so there’s a bit of an emergency, don’t worry, but I’ll be back in a bit. Text me if you need anything okay bye.” He dashes out of the room before Pidge can even get a word in. Despite how much her stomach tightened and how many thoughts were rushing through her head, she decided to shrug it off and just sit down on the couch next to Allura.

      “So,” Pidge said after a minute. “What do you guys want to do while we’re here?”

      “That’s a good question Pidge,” Allura responded. “I thought we could mostly stay with Lance and maybe visit Hunk if the hospital let’s us.”

      “They’d better,” Coran added. 

      “They let me call him a couple times,” Pidge said. 

      “Really?” Allura turned to face her. “But we’re with you at all times how could you have managed to call him?”

      “Three hour time difference,” Pidge explained. “I called after you went to sleep. Anyway, He says he’s doing alright. He’s made some friends, but he misses us. Also the staff are lightening up on his security since he’s proving to be less of a threat to himself.”

      “That’s very good, soon our Hunk will be back to the happy guy we all know and love, yeah?” Coran asked hopefully. 

      Pidge shifted in her seat. “Well I don’t know, but he’ll at least be in our lives again. Anything else you want to do?”

      “I’d like to go around and enjoy the sun for once,” Allura said sarcastically. “But I’d also like to check up on a couple things here, and see Keith and-” Pidge recognized that Allura was talking, but she didn’t hear. She began to shut down like she always did whenever Keith was mentioned. If she shut down she wouldn’t have flashbacks and she wouldn’t have panic attacks and she wouldn’t have to go through the process of making herself feel better. She felt herself rise and walk to the bathroom. She looked into the mirror. Whenever she felt herself fade away like this, she looked into the mirror to remind herself she was there. Her hair was longer than it had been on the ship, but not too long. It went down to her collarbone, and she could put it up if she needed to. Her glasses were the same as they had always been. The shirt she was wearing was a hand-me-down from her brother, who decided to stay in New York. Her shoulders were slim and her arms skinny. Everything was still there. Like it always was. She was here, in Lance’s apartment. She was here. She was safe. She was safe. 

      Pidge sighed as she exited the bathroom. Whenever she had moments like that, she lost all track of time, so she had no idea how long she was in there. She closed the door behind her and walked back to the living room. Instead of Allura and Coran chatting, she saw three people gathered around another body. 

      “Hey what’s going-” Pidge felt her breath hitch as she saw what exactly was in front of her. Allura, Coran and Lance were all tending to the fourth person who seemed to be going in and out of consciousness. His clothes were the same, his face was the same, his long hair and red jacket were the same. Pidge couldn’t see his eyes but if she could she knew she would see the same dark eyes that stared right at her as she felt her body being sliced like deli meat. She let out a scream and sprinted out the front door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there's that. Thank you guys for reading as always, just knowing that people read my work is really great and wow. You're great if you read this. Thank you so much!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter for today, there's some mention of implied non consensual touching, it's at the very end and I will add it to the tags, also there is a mention of a panic attack. Other than that here it is!

      Keith didn’t want to call Lance. He knew that Pidge, Allura and Coran were coming in today. He knew that Lance had been 5 days sober until last night. He knew that Lance had a panic attack 4 days ago. He knew Lance didn’t need another burden, but he called anyway. He needed someone near him, or he was going to do something he would regret. Lance was there faster than expected, and before he even asked what was wrong, Lance swept Keith into his arms and carried him to the bed. He pulled the blankets over the two of them and wrapped his arms protectively around Keith’s waist. 

      “Tell me what’s wrong,” Lance stated flatly. He buried his face into Keith’s hair.

      Keith fiddled with Lance’s fingers. “Am I the same person?”

      “What do you mean?” Lance asked after a minute. 

      “I just feel like I used to be this guy who went head on into everything and was probably too reckless for my own good, and now I look twice before I step out of bed in the morning and cry all the time.” When there was too long of a silence, Keith continued. “And this. I talk about my feelings now. Too much. I’m just going to leave, go back to your place.” He attempted to slide out of his bed but was met with a tighter grip around his waist, forcing him to stay. 

      “I think,” Lance said softly. “It’s hard for you not to change. I’ve changed. And you only talk about your feelings to me, which you had started to do when we were up there. But I mean I still love you, me and everyone else.”

      “How can you say that so easily?” Keith asked after a moment.   


       “Say what?”

      “I love you,” 

      “Because it’s what I feel,” 

      “How can you just,” Keith paused, trying to position himself to look at Lance. “Say what you feel?”

      “I’m just talkative,” Lance explained. “First thing that comes to mind I say it.”

      “What do you want to say right now?” 

      “I’d like to tell you everything that’s been on the tip of my tongue since I’ve known you but I can’t phrase it right,” Lance felt himself get nervous. Saying that was a bit of a risk, but hopefully a risk that would pay off if he played his cards right. 

      “Well you certainly have given me a couple speeches in these past few days,” Keith joked. “So go ahead.”

      Lance swallowed. This was it. “Well it kinda started when I met you. You didn’t see me really because you were too busy being this amazing pilot or whatever, but I really looked up to you. And then when Voltron happened, I was still kinda jealous of you but I wanted to be closer. And then you started talking to me, and I found out that you were actually really amazing and sweet and brave and just everything I could ask for. And well instead of wanting to ya know… be your pal or whatever, I wanted to kiss you and hold you and make sure you were safe. Because you’re the light in my life. I see you and I feel okay. So I really mean it when I say ‘I love you’”

      Keith stared at Lance’s face in total shock. The blue paladin was clearly very nervous, but was holding it together surprisingly well. He was smiling softly and looking into Keith’s eyes, shattering his cold front he always put up. Keith wanted to take Lance’s face into his hands and kiss him but knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t because the last thing he didn’t mention, the thing he only told Shiro, would come to the surface. “Oh man Lance I mean I feel the same but I-” Keith was stopped short with soft lips on his. For a moment he relaxed before everything came flooding back. The cold hands forced onto him. Breath that smelled like dead fish. Tongue that tasted like his own blood and vomit. Hands. Everywhere. He felt his breath quicken as he shoved Lance away and sprinted out of his bed. He heard Lance calling after him but he couldn’t hear. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t breathe. He was on the floor. The cool bathroom tile comforting against his skin. He felt his eyes close and hands touching him softly. It was a nice enough place for a rest, so why not take advantage?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello here's the chapter for today! Trigger warnings include some suicide notes, self harm, and some brief ableism.

      “So he just, freaked out?” Coran asked. Lance nodded, he was sitting on the couch with Keith’s head in his lap, wondering what the hell he did wrong. Keith had been asleep for about an hour now, and didn’t show any signs of waking up.

      Allura checked his pulse. Again. “Did anything happen leading up to the event?”

      Lance felt his face flush. “Um. Yeah. We were talking and then I kissed him. And then he like bolted. So… maybe it was me?”

      Coran looked like he was going to say something but was interrupted by a loud scream. The three people on the couch turned quickly to see Pidge sprinting out the door. Coran burst into action, chasing after her.

      “I knew bringing him here was a bad idea Lance,” Allura reminded Lance for the fourth time. 

      “I know,” he sighed. “I just… I didn’t know what to do.”

      Allura put her hand on his shoulder. She knew what he was going through. To have to watch someone you love suffer. “So you kissed him?” Lance nodded. They watched Keith’s chest rise and fall. They watched his eyes twitch and sweat begin to form on his forehead. 

      “Fuck he’s having a nightmare,” Lance exclaimed. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I can’t - he can’t-” He was pacing, desperate for a drink. But Allura was there, right next to him.

      She grabbed his shoulders. “Okay, you’re okay. Let’s try to wake him again. He’ll be okay. Deep breaths.” Lance nodded and Allura turned to Keith, nudging him gently and whispering in his ear. Shs smoothed his long hair back in even gently strokes. Of course she knew how to do this, Shiro had worse nightmares than any of them. Eventually Keith’s eyes opened. He looked relaxed, and not terrified like the last time Lance had seen him wake up from a nightmare. 

      “Lance,” Allura said in a low whisper. “Could you give us a moment alone?” Lance felt a twinge of jealousy but nodded and stood up. He murmured something under his breath as he exited the room. Keith furrowed his brow but said nothing. The princess was stroking Keith’s hair and humming to herself. It was a pretty tune, but not something that Keith recognized. He noticed that some notes sounded wrong, like they didn’t exist, but it still went along with the melody. The song was very calming, and Keith felt his heartbeat slow. The song ended on a low note that he felt in his chest. 

      “Shiro always liked that song,” Allura whispered, perhaps to herself. “When he woke up from nightmares, I would sing it and he would smile and go back to sleep. He really loved you, you know that?” Keith nodded. He didn’t say anything else, but only looked into Allura’s bright eyes. She was looking down, concentrating on her hands running through his thick dark hair. “I have something for you,” The princess went on. “From him. I was going to read it, I’ve been carrying it with me for some time. It didn’t feel right. I got a letter too, but I wanted more of him to keep with me. But it felt wrong to read.” She pulled out an envelope from her coat pocket and placed it on Keith’s chest. It was a little crumpled on the edges but otherwise in pristine condition. His name was written on the front in neat, careful letters. 

      He felt his eyes fill with tears. “Thank you.” Allura simply nodded and stood up. She knew that Keith was feeling better, and she also knew that he needed to read the letter alone. 

      Keith opened the envelope carefully. His hands were shaking as he pulled the paper out from its sheath.

__

_       Keith, _

_       I know what I have done seems rash and selfish, but these thoughts have already run through my head a thousand times. If I know anything about you, it’s that you might not know how to act in situations such as this. Keeping a level head is important. You’re supposed to be the leader after I die, and even though Voltron is disbanded I expect you to take my place in keeping the team together. Look after them. Especially Allura. I know you two haven’t always gotten along, but she needs you. You’ve separated yourself from the group, I can see that. But don’t. We all love you, Keith. We all need you.  _

_       I love you so much and I hate that I’m leaving you like this, but you have to try to understand. You have always been there for me as I have for you. You became my second family. This is not your fault, it’s mine. Please, don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel as I do every day. Take control. Heal. Spend time with the team. I’m gonna miss you buddy. More than you know.  _

_       -Shiro. _

 

      Keith closed the letter and felt tears well up in his eyes. He missed Shiro so much. He had never had a family until Shiro came along and took him in. He listened to Keith’s worries and struggles. His complaints and ideas. He supported Keith when he needed it and scolded him when he needed it. The person Keith really needed, was gone. His family, gone. He wiped his tears and put the letter back in the envelope. He needed to get a grip, and stop crying all the time. He needed to be the leader that Shiro expected him to be. Keith closed the letter and walked to the kitchen where he assumed Lance would be waiting. 

      When he got there, he saw Lance leaning against the counter, his back facing Keith. He was hunched over something and Allura was nowhere in sight. Keith put his hand on Lance’s shoulder gently. There was a small reaction, just a flinch. 

      “Hey,” Keith said softly. “Listen I’m sorry about what happened it’s just there’s some stuff I haven’t told you about.”

       Lance turned around, smiling a little. His eyes were half shut. “It’s all good man. You probably couldn’t handle the Lance man anyway.”

      “Come on,” Keith smelled the sour scent of beer in Lance’s breath. “Lance I can’t see you get drunk again. Not when you have the rest of the team here.”

      “Nope,” Lance sighed. “They left.”

      “Left?”

      “Yep, I was drinking and Allura caught me. Now she hates me because I’m a dirty alcoholic.”

      “She doesn’t hate you.”

      Lance scoffed. “Yeah right.”

      Keith sighed. “Hand me the bottle.” He extended his arm. Cool glass was placed into his open hand but the bottle was broken in half. Looking around, Keith noticed broken glass on the floor and the counter. “Why did you break it?”   


      Lance shrugged. “Needed something sharp.”

      “What?” Keith felt a sickly feeling in his stomach. 

      “It’s what people do when they’re suicidal but too scared or too aware of others to actually kill themselves, right?” Lance asked sarcastically. “Come on man. Don’t make me say it out loud. Glass is sharp. I am sad. I drink my feelings. I want to die. I have wrists. Glass plus wrists plus suicidal tendencies and unhealthy coping mechanisms equal…” 

      Keith brought his hand to his mouth. He didn’t know Lance cut. He didn’t want Lance to cut. “Can I see?”

      “Only if you show me yours,” Lance smiled.  _ How could someone get so drunk in such a short amount of time? _ Keith wondered. 

      “You’ve seen mine.”

      “Show me again,” Lance demanded. 

      Keith rolled up his sleeves and took off his gloves. He extended his left arm and allowed Lance to examine the scars that had formed. The blue paladin gingerly stroked each one. The little white marks and the deep puffy scars. He had done this before, but Keith wasn’t sure why he was doing it now. Lance rolled up his sleeve as well and showed Keith the fresh cuts on his arm and wrist. They were still bleeding. They started right at his wrist but went down the rest of his arm in a few centimeter intervals. They were all straight across. Keith knew instantly they were going to scar. 

      “Do you have a first aid kit?” Keith asked. 

      “What?” Lance pulled his arm back.

      “I need to disinfectant that and patch you up with some bandages.” 

      “In the bathroom too shelf.”

      Keith nodded and grabbed Lance’s hand. He led him to the bathroom and found the first aid kit exactly where Lance said it was. 

      “This is stupid,” Lance grumbled as he was pulled down to the floor. 

      “Nope,” Keith had started putting rubbing alcohol on the fresh cuts on Lance’s arms. “It will probably get infected if I don't clean it out and cover it with a bandage. It's a beer bottle. It's dirty.” 

      “Did you do this for yourself?”

      “Yep” There was silence as Keith wrapped Lance’s arm in bandages. 

      “Hey so,” Lance said after his arm was wrapped. “About the kiss-”

      “It's fine,” Keith interrupted him. “It's something I have to go through but I still have… feelings for you.”

      “So what does that mean for us?”

      Keith took Lance’s hand. “Well I like what we have now but I don't know if I can handle a lot. I can handle like a relationship but… stuff happened I guess.”

      “What happened?” Lance asked.

      “Just some other stuff on the ship,” Keith tried to brush of the question, but also really wanted to talk about it. “They um… touched me. So I'm a bit sensitive about that kind of stuff.”

      “They what?” Lance exclaimed. He was on his feet now. 

      “It's not a big deal, the torturing was worse anyway.” Keith stood up putting his hands on Lance’s shoulder. 

      “Yes it is,” Lance slapped Keith’s hand away. “What did they do? Where did- Keith, how can I touch you now if that's what you've been through?”

      “Look this guy he would come in before I did the things with Pidge and he would-” Keith stopped. “Look I'm healing we just need to take things slow I think.”

      “Keith I’ve been in love with you for a long time but I’m a mess and you’re actually recovering and this is just never going to work.”

      “No I want it to,”

      “Me too but face reality,”

      “I want to help you,”

      “You can’t help me,”

      “Please,”

      “Look,” Lance put his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

      “No please,” Keith grabbed Lance’s hand and dug his fingernails into his hand. “You’re all I have left.”

      “Shut up Keith!” Lance shoved the paladin against his door. “Don’t give me that fucking bullshit. You’re actually getting better. You’ve been clean. People love you, they know you. Get a fucking grip and stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Yeah you were tortured and whatever and that sucks. It really sucks. I’m not saying that you’re not valid I’m saying that you and me? Never going to work. Now get the fuck out of my apartment.” Keith felt his eyes water as he ran out the door, knowing that the one person he could count on was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate the comments and feedback because you all are too sweet! I hope you like it and stick with it because this story is turning out to be super long and there's no end in sight just yet. 
> 
> Yikes. 
> 
> Okay that's it. Thanks so much again!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here's the chapter for today, there's no trigger warnings, mostly just Pidge's thoughts. It's pretty short so... sorry about that. Enjoy either way!

      Pidge was three blocks away from Lance’s apartment when she realized that she didn’t know her way around Los Angeles at all. She knew he lived in Hollywood but she wasn’t sure where exactly. She didn’t care, she would find her way back. She could call a cab or just use the map on her phone. She was on some busy street with a lot of sex and smoke shops. She didn’t care, she just really needed to get out of there. The weather was nice. The sun warmed her face, unlike the grey New York skies. It helped distract her from the dark memories triggered by Keith’s face. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. It was Coran. 

      Pidge sighed. “Hey, sorry about that I just had to get out of there.”

      “It’s quite alright Pidge,” Coran sounded very relieved on the other line. “Just tell me where you are.”

      “I’m surrounded by sex shops,” Pidge said flatly. “So I’ll be getting some kinky lingerie thank you very much.”

      Coran laughed sarcastically. “Please don’t. Just text me your location and I’ll see you in a bit,”

      Pidge hung up the phone and did as she was told. She had a couple texts from Allura:

**Space Mother:** Hey Pidge come home soon.

**Space Mother:** I’m sorry there’s an emergency here or I would come find you

**Space Mother:** I know this is hard for you just stay safe

      Pidge sighed and texted back, knowing Allura would worry. 

**Me:** All good, just had to get away. 

      She locked her phone and continued walking down the street in a leisurely fashion. Maybe she should try talking to Keith again. She had forgiven him a long time ago, well aware that what he did was out of his control and he was not mentally stable himself. She tried to talk to him alone when they were still on the ship, but it ended up being awkward and ended in tears. She hadn’t tried again. She missed them all being together. She missed the nights when she would have to talk to Lance about her fears. The nights when Lance came to her. She missed when she Lance and Hunk were all together in the Garrison, before Voltron even happened. She missed Hunk. She wanted to be walking down the streets with him, making jokes about the stores around her. Pidge let out another sigh and shoved her hands in her pockets, knowing that that fantasy was a long ways away from becoming reality. 

      “Hey Pidge!” A voice called behind her. 

      Pidge turned and saw Coran walking down the street as fast as he could. She smiled and stopped walking. “Hey sorry.”

      “No problem!” Coran smiled as usual. “Gosh these shops are something else.”

      “Yep,” She said absently. “Is everything okay with Lance?”

      “It seems like it, why do you ask?” 

      Pidge meant only to ask about the pressing emergency back at the apartment, but then she remembered the bottle she found in his car. The stains on the carpet. The one too many air fresheners in the bathroom. “Do you remember the bottle I found in the car?”

      “Yes, it was quite cute, but didn’t seem to have any purpose,”

      “I don’t know Lance just seems... off,” She took a deep breath. “I think he might have a drinking problem.”

      Coran had stopped walking. “Are you sure?”   


      “Not totally,”

      “What’s the evidence?”

      “Just some stains, his attitude, the bottle,”

      “Listen Pidge,” He put his hand on her shoulder. “This is a very serious accusation, especially because our friend is so young. You have to be sure before we tell Allura okay? Now with anyone else I would doubt them more but you’re very smart and I trust your gut.”

      “I want to make sure,” She pushed her glasses up. “I just don’t want him to get hurt.”

      “None of us do,” He began to walk again, turning a familiar corner. They had looped around right back to the apartment. Allura was pacing outside the complex. Her face lit up when she recognized them coming down the street but there was something dark in her expression. Something was clearly wrong. 

      “Thank goodness you guys are here,” She spoke in a hushed tone. “There’s something more wrong than Lance than we previously thought.”

      Coran glanced at Pidge before speaking. “What is it?”

      “I caught him…” Allura paused, seeming to debate something in her head. “Drinking. Quickly. He was already half drunk when I found him. I fear that he does this often.”

      “You’d be right about that,” Pidge spoke up. “I only just started to suspect it but yes it appears he has a drinking problem.”

      Allura looked as if she was going to say something but was interrupted by the sound of someone sprinting from the apartment. It was Keith, running as fast as he could with tears streaming down his face. Pidge instinctively reached for Allura’s hand and shut her eyes while he was in sight. She only saw him for a split second but even that was enough to make her brain go haywire. She felt Allura’s grip slack and knew that the danger had passed. 

      “What do you propose we do about Lance princess?” Coran asked, disregarding what had just happened. 

      “We could approach him about it,” Allura suggested. “An intervention of sorts.”

      “I don’t know if he’ll listen to us,” Pidge said. “He’s pretty stubborn.”

      “He will, at least he’ll listen to you for sure,” Coran added. 

      “Then it’s decided, an intervention it is.” Allura said. The conversation was clearly over and the three of them walked back to Lance’s apartment. They weren’t going to act today, but some time in the near future. Lance needed them more than ever, and they had to help him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello here's the chapter for today! It's a bit shorter but it's got a bit of planning and finally some Hunk. I really love him so I was happy to fit him into the story. Enjoy!

      Once again, Hunk was lying in his bed trying to pass the time. There was nothing to do during these hours of the day. Doctors had relaxed on their check ups and there were no scheduled activities or meetings. It was visiting hours. No one visited him. Because they weren’t allowed to for now, but it still felt incredibly stupid. Pidge called him once every other week, but Hunk still felt very isolated. He missed the team. He missed his friends. He missed working with his hands every day. He wasn’t allowed to work on anything because the doctors feared that having something like that could be used to hurt himself or others. He let out a sigh and relaxed into his bed. He would be getting a new shipment of books from his mother next week, but for now he had only the books he had read over 10 times each. He had already written a letter to his parents that day. He didn’t know Lance’s address or he would write to him. Hunk dragged his hands across his face. He missed Lance and Pidge and the three of them all hanging out. He didn’t understand why he was still in this hospital anyway. He was on like five different meds and didn’t try to kill himself every day. Yet when he asked the doctors if he could go home or even go outside, they refused. Speaking of doctors, his favorite nurse -- Julia -- was coming to check up on him. 

      “Hey buddy!” She said happily. She was cheerful and perky, yet real when she needed to be. “How are ya holding up?” 

      Hunk sat up in his bed. “I’m great. Feeling good. Feeling like I can go home, see my friends. You know Pidge is in town.”

      “Well you can’t do that just yet big guy,” Julia said writing a couple things down on her clipboard. “You should have Pidge and Lance come visit. Since you’ve been doing so well I think Dr. Johnson would be okay with a visit.”

      Hunk smiled. “Really? That’s amazing. I’ll call her!”

      “There’s that cute smile,” She noted. “I’ll just have to double check. And alright, vitals are good you’re in a good mood. You seem to be doing just fine sir.”

      “I have been doing just fine,” Hunk added with a hint of sarcasm. 

      “I know,” Julia sighed. “It sucks here but you know how it is. Give Pidge a call alright? You’ll feel better when you get to see your friend.”

      “Yeah I’ll use the payphone,” 

      Julia patted him on the shoulder before exiting. Hunk slid out of bed, surprised that he was dizzy. After regaining his balance, he walked out to the hallway payphone and He dialed Pidge’s number. 

      The phone rang twice before she picked up. “Hey! Hunk! I’m really glad you called.”

      “You are?”  Hunk asked. “Wait never mind. Anxiety talking. So great news Pidge!”

      “What’s the news?” Pidge asked eagerly. Whenever they talked on the phone, they were instantly transported back to their old conversations in the Garrison. 

      “Julia says you can visit!” He exclaimed. 

      “Wait really?”

      “Yes!” 

      There was screaming on the other line. “Can Lance come too?” 

      “Yep!”

      “Perfect,” By the tone of her voice, Hunk knew Pidge was planning something. “So listen Hunk. Lance seems to have a problem with drinking. And so it would be great if I could invite everyone to your room and have an intervention.”

      “Wait hold up,” Hunk was taken aback. “Lance has a drinking problem? Lance -I throw up after one cocktail that I had at an orientation party - McClain?”

      “Yep,” She sighed. “And it’s bad.”

      “Oh,” He quieted down. “Well we can help him, can’t we?”

      “Yes I think, also something else happened.” 

      “What happened,” Hunk asked. He knew that Pidge was about to talk about something personal. 

      “I saw Keith,” Pidge began. “Twice.”

      “Oh no what happened?” He wished he could be with her, especially because seeing Keith would make her relive her trauma.

      “I saw him on the couch, lying on Lance’s lap. And I freaked out and left. Then I saw him running out of Lance’s apartment. Crying. And I mean it was only two quick seconds but the second one, he looked so sad and I felt really bad for him. You know.” 

      “I know,” Hunk tried to comfort her. She rarely opened up but after months in the hospital, he had picked up on a couple tricks to help. “It’s probably because you guys were friends before. You had a bond. And you lost that bond. So now you look at him and you see your friend and the guy who caused all the trauma. It’s totally normal.”

      “Jeez,” She laughed lightly over the phone. “ I don’t know why I’m in therapy if you’re here. Also thanks. I love you so much.”

      “I love you too bud. So you guys can come over Friday if that’s good?”

      “Yes! I can not wait to see you!” 

      “I think if Keith talked to Lance it might help him though,” Hunk suggested. “I mean Lance has been obsessing over that guy forever.” 

      “Yeah I know,” She sighed again. She did that a lot. “I’ll tell Allura. But I don’t know if they’re talking because of the way Keith ran out crying.”

      “Yeah,” There was a moment of silence over the line. “I have to go but I’ll see you soon!” 

      “Yeah! I can’t wait!” Pidge said. “Bye Hunk!”

      “Bye!” Hunk put the payphone down. He was smiling. He missed Pidge and was very excited to see everyone. Probably too excited. He really hadn’t seen anyone besides doctors for months. He would probably get way too excited and crush his friends, but he didn’t care. He was seeing his friends. A huge step personally, and mentally. Human interaction. Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say that I know that hospitals are not at all a glamorous experience. My depiction of the hospital is probably not very accurate because I got my information from a few conversations with friends and few short minutes of research. That being said the visit is mostly for plot and probably wouldn't be allowed but I really don't know for sure. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter for today, no trigger warnings but there is actual fluff in this chapter.

**Me:** Keith I’m sorry

**Me:** I didn’t mean it

**Me:** I was drunk

**Me:** Keith come on

**Me:** I love you

**Me:** I’ll stop drinking, I’ll stop being a dick

**Me:** It was wrong of me to say those things

**Me:** Please

**Me:** I love you so much

**Me:** Im sorry

 

      Lance threw his phone down again. He had texted twice an hour with no response. He had fucked up. Big time. He sighed and rolled over on his bed. He knew he fucked things up when he got drunk. He just thought Keith would bring him peace, or that he had been sober enough. He just didn’t want what happened to ever happen to anyone again. Pidge and Allura had tried to talk to him but he didn’t feel like listening. For now, they would hang out together with Coran and Lance would stay alone in his bedroom.

      The cuts on his arms were still fresh, but looked to be healing. They were still red from where he had bled but the swelling had gone down and they were beginning to scab. Lance regretted cutting himself. In the moment it felt nice to release some of the pressure building up inside him, but a couple hours later his arm stung like a bitch. He saw his phone light up and his heart began to race. It was a text from Keith. 

**Emo Boy of My Dreams:** I’m coming over in a couple hours. We’re going to talk about this. Like mentally stable people. 

**Me:** Are you sure

**Me:** Pidge is here I should go to your place

**Emo Boy of My Dreams:** Okay. Hows 1:30

**Me:** Thats fine

**Emo Boy of My Dreams:** Okay

      Lance dragged himself out of bed. He fixed his hair and pulled on a nicer shirt than the stained loose t-shirt he was wearing before. It was his depression shirt. Comforting, but not something you’d wear to have a serious talk with your friend. It was 12:30. He’d have to leave at 1 to make it to Keith’s house on time. This hour was going to be a nervous hell hole of waiting. He could sit with Pidge, Allura, and Coran. Actually socialize with his friends who loved and missed very dearly. Who were only in town for a short while. Lance groaned and dragged himself to the living room. Pidge was cuddled against Allura’s side on the couch and Coran was in the armchair on his computer.

      “Hey guys,” Lance said. 

      Pidge perked up, sitting up straight. “How’s my favorite paladin doing?” Lance made a fart noise and slumped on the couch. 

      “Why?” Allura had shifted too, so she could make eye contact with him. Lance only shrugged in response. 

      “Boy trouble?” Pidge said in a joking manner. Although she wasn't joking at all. She loved teasing Lance about his love life. Especially because she was feeling pretty okay and felt comfortable enough to talk about Keith. 

      Lance had turned pink. “What? No way,”

      Pidge rolled her eyes. “Sure buddy. What did he do know?”

      “How do you know he likes a boy?” Allura asked. 

     “Are you oblivious princess?” Coran said. “For as long as we’ve known Lance he's demonstrated the human sights of affection. Touching whenever possible, being near them as much as possible, having similar ideas, getting defensive, dilated pupils, the lot.” 

      “You should have seen him at the Garrison,” Pidge laughed lightly. “He would not shut up about him.”

      “Wait,” Allura waved her arms. “Who?”

      “Keith,” Coran and Pidge said in unison. 

      “Shut up! I do not like Keith!” Lance had buried his face in his hands. Silently, he was grateful for the teasing. They felt like… them again. Friends just talking about crushes, like normal people do. 

      “Now that you mention it, I always thought you would make a good couple. I tried to pair you off for missions as much as possible,” Allura said. 

      Pidge laughed. Her laugh was bright and loud, like it used to be. “His contact name is literally ‘Emo Prince of My Dreams’ in your phone,”

      “Shut up!” Lance exclaimed. “I don't like Keith!”

      “Yeah because you're in love with him,” Pidge replied, her voice laced with sarcasm. 

      “He's in love with you too,” Allura added. “Has been for a while. Shiro told me.”

      “Yep,” Coran said. “He also displays signs of human affection.” 

      “You guys suck,” Lance groaned. 

      “Yeah just like you suck Keith’s dick,” Pidge said under her breath. 

      Lance hit her on the back of the head. “I've got to go, I hate you.”

      “Booty call?” Pidge asked. 

      “Shut up,” Lance stood up and walked to the door. “I’ll see you guys later.” He shut the door behind him. His face was red hot, his hands were sweaty. He was very nervous. He was never one for long talks about emotions and was glad for the temporary distraction Pidge’s accusations had given him. It was about a mile to Keith’s apartment if he walked. He had 20 minutes to go over what he would say. He wanted to be with him. He wanted to help Keith get better. He wanted to take back what he said. “Keith, I love you and want to be with you. I'm very sorry. I wish I hadn't said anything.” Lance repeated this over and over. “You're the most amazing person I've ever met.” He would say. Keith would look into his eyes and forgive him. They would kiss. Lance would stop drinking. Everyone would heal. They would get married. Raise some kids and die at a ripe old age in each other's arms. Lance shook his head. He had to stop thinking like that. It was irrational and stupid. He was a few blocks away from Keith’s apartment. He pulled out his phone. 

**Me:** I'm almost there, about 5 minutes. 

**Emo Prince of My Dreams:** Okay

      Lance passed a flower shop and debated whether he should buy some. He remembered that Keith was not his boyfriend and they were just going to have a long talk. That was it. He turned the last corner and reached Keith’s apartment. He pushed the button labeled “307” there was a buzz and a soft click. Lance took a deep breath and opened the door. He took the stairs, using the extra time to try and calm himself. Finally, he was at the door. He took yet another breath and knocked gently. 

      There was a bit of clamoring inside and the door swung opened. Keith stood in the doorway wearing his too tight shirt and jeans.  _ Fuck _ Lance thought. That shirt was going to be distracting. He cursed at himself again. He ruined their relationship, Keith hated him for sure, so Lance shouldn't be staring like he was. Clearly, he was coping with his excessive anxiety by staring at his friend’s hot bod. He was also supposed to be talking. “Hi,” He managed. 

      “Hey,” Keith responded. “Come in,” Lance walked in. The apartment smelled so much like Keith. It was intoxicating, almost like being drunk but with your intelligence still intact. “Can I get you something to drink? I don’t have booze.” Keith asked.  _ God he's perfect _ . Lance thought. He was way too happy to be here. 

      “Water?” Lance said. He didn't know why he phrased it as a question. He didn't know why he felt butterflies in his stomach. He was a traumatized mentally ill teenager who was not supposed to have such frivolous feelings. 

      “You can sit wherever,” Keith gestured vaguely and disappeared into the kitchen. Lance walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. He could see the kitchen from here through the door. He could see Keith having to stretch to get a glass. He could see the bottom of Keith’s shirt come up revealing a tiny slip of skin… 

      Lance shook his head. He was not supposed to think this. He had ruined everything with Keith. Besides, even if they were together, they wouldn't be magically cured. They would still be haunted by memories of the past. They would still have trouble sleeping. But Lance remembered how much safer he felt in Keith’s arms. How just his smell could make him feel warm inside. 

      Keith had put the glass on the table in front of Lance. Lance muttered some quick thank you as Keith sat down on the chair across from him 

      “So um,” Lance said after a minute of awkward silence. “I just wanted to say a couple things, I-” 

      “Let me go first,” Keith interrupted. “I love you. So much. And I'm bad at saying that. But I do. I can't stop thinking about you. And I want to be with you. But I know you're having a really rough time, so I understand if you don't want that. Also I just need to accustom to touching romantically if you do want that. I've kind of been adjusting with that. It's been difficult but I've been doing okay. So, yeah.” 

      Lance breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god. I want to be with you too, Keith. I really love you and just being around you makes me so happy. I'm so sorry about what I said. It wasn't cool. I was like 5 different people at once that day. It wasn't okay of me to be like that.”

      “It's okay,” Keith said softly. “I understand that.”

      “I shouldn't be drinking,” Lance admitted. “But I do. And I know that's a lot to handle-”

      “No,”

      “It is, I know this.”

      “But you shouldn't apologize for it,”

      “I've hurt you too much,”

      Keith moved over to the couch. He wrapped his arm around Lance gently. “You don't have to apologize.”

      Lance relaxed into Keith’s side. “I'm sorry, for everything. I want this to work.”

      “Me too. I think it will,” 

      “That's good,” They sat together for several minutes. Both totally relaxed and just enjoying the company. They had both been through too much. They had both been broken. But they had each other, at least for the moment. A weight had been lifted. 

      “Hey so,” Keith said after a while. “Would Pidge be willing to be in the same room with me? I miss her.”

      “I doubt it. Although she talked about you today. Openly”

      “What did she say?” Keith asked. 

      “She was teasing me,” Lance admitted. “About you.”

      Keith put his head in Lance’s lap. “Oh yeah? What did she say?”

      “That I was going to suck your dick, and us meeting up was a booty call.” 

      “Oh,” Keith’s expression had grown serious. “Is it?”

      “No!” Lance exclaimed. “I figured you wouldn't want that, right now or ever.”

      “Well not now,” Keith’s cheeks were pink. “But I used to. Before the capturing.” 

     “Yea me too, a lot. Hunk made fun of me.”

      “Shiro made fun of me.”

      “Ew you told him that stuff?” Lance mocked disgust. 

      “I mean yeah! He told me everything about how great alien sex with Allura was!”

      “Wait how  _ did  _ that work?” 

      “The same. Just Allura is really strong so she ended up being on top normally. Apparently it was great though,” 

       “God I wish that were me,” Lance joked. Keith glared at him. “I mean, I love you…”

      “You're going to be a bad boyfriend.”

      “No way!” Lance was slightly offended. “I dated this girl once and I was the best. Bought her gifts all the time, surprise dates, tons of respect. She cheated on me though. And defended herself by saying ‘you're bi so you basically did the same. You were too selfish to pick a side’ she sucked. She was really hot though.”

      “Gross,” Keith made a face. 

      “What she said?”

      “No, girls.”

      “Oh,”

      “Too complicated.”

      “Well I love my sister and cousins and mom and yeah,” Lance said. “I grew up with a ton of them so I just learned to understand them.”

      “Oh yeah,” Keith remembered Lance telling him about his huge family. “So… you probably know how to do a bunch of girl things?”

      “For sure!” Lance began to list them off his fingers. “Knitting, sewing,hair styling, cooking-”

      “Hair styling?” Keith asked. 

      “I can do any ponytail, any braid, any bun. You name it,” Lance bragged. 

      “Can you… braid my hair?” 

      Lance was a bit taken aback. “Hell yes.”

      Keith smiled and positioned himself on the floor in front of Lance. Lance ran his hands through the dark hair in front of him. “What the fuck?”

      “What is it?” Keith asked. “Is something wrong?”

      “It's so soft…”

     Keith laughed. “Oh! Yeah, I guess it is.”

      Lance smiled. He had wanted to braid Keith’s stupid hair ever since he saw him at the Garrison. His hair was thick and easy to work with, unlike his youngest sisters. Her hair only became workable after she had lice and was forced to have comb outs every day. Lance’s hands were working on their own. He was doing two French braids -- his sister’s favorite. She always looked like a Girl Scout when they were finished. It was hard to get the front end of Keith’s hair into braids, they kept falling out. Eventually Lance just gave up and let the short strands hang loosely in front. “Do you have hair ties?” 

      “Um,” Keith fidgeted. He had forgotten about that. 

      “Ribbon?” Lance secretly hoped he would get to use ribbon. 

      “Yeah, in the closet over there,”

      “Just like me,” Lance joked standing up. 

      “But you're out,”

      “Shut up,” Lance had already walked to the closet. He found the ribbon, surprised at how much there was of it. He pulled out a red one and cut off two lengths with scissors before returning to the living room. He sat down and tied Keith’s hair with the ribbons. “Okay I'm done.” 

      Keith turned to face him. Lance brought a hand to his mouth and let out a high pitched squeal. “So cute!!!!”

      “You're cuter,” Keith pulled himself back onto the couch. 

      “Let me take a picture of you please,” Lance was half begging. When Keith rolled his eyes in response, Lance pulled out his phone and took approximately 40 pictures.  

      “Come on Lance,” Keith attempted to grab the phone. “Not that many.”

      Lance used his height to his advantage and held the phone high in the air. Keith stood on his knees and stretched out only to find the phone just out of reach. Lance smiled. Their faces were so close. Keith was half in Lance’s lap, his chest brushing against Lance’s arm. Lance buried his face in Keith’s neck and pushed him over on the couch. 

      “Fine,” Keith admitted, glaring at Lance. “You win. Keep them. Also thanks for braiding my hair.”

      Lance lay down so his face was on Keith’s chest. “Sure. It was fun.”

      “Really?”

      “Yeah.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's that. Relationship: Established. I actually finished the story and it's pretty long yikes. Let me know what you think of this chapter and there will be another one tomorrow!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, here's the chapter for today. It's mostly a look at Allura because I haven't written much of her even though I love her. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: Description of suicide  
> This chapter is not super important to the plot so you can skip it if need be.

      Pidge’s hands were shaking as she dialed a number she had erased from her memory. She had to do this, it was the only way to get Lance to stop drinking and if it meant putting herself in a bad situation fine. The phone rang twice before the person on the other line responded. 

      “Hello?” The voice sounded alert. 

      “Hi Keith,” Pidge took a deep breath and tried to ignore the pang in her stomach that came from hearing his voice. “Look I need to make this fast. You probably know Lance is drinking so we’re having an intervention. You need to take him to the hospital to visit Hunk on Friday at one. Don't tell him. Okay?”

      “Wh- I- yeah that's fine,” Keith sighed. 

      “Okay great I'm going to go-”

      “Wait,” He interrupted her. 

      “What?” She asked harshly. 

      “I- I miss you and I know that nothing I can do will-”

      “Okay stop talking I’m going to go, Bye Keith”

      “Bye Pidge,” 

      Pidge shut the phone off. She had done it. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary if Lance was going to get better. She collapsed on the bed in Lance’s apartment. He hadn't come home last night. She was worried that he and Keith had some kind of argument and Lance had gotten drunk or something. The sane part of her said that he was fine, but she still worried. The apartment smelled like him. It smelled like home and safety. And the family that came to her when she thought she couldn't have one. Lance was like her older brother in the Garrison and on the ship. He talked to her and just hung out with her when she didn't want to be alone. Like now. She wanted him to be better. She wanted them all to be better. 

\---

      Allura was dreaming about Shiro again. It was something that had really happened, except instead of being on a ship in space, they were on Altea. She was working on something, in reality it had been finding coordinates for a mission, but in her dream she was drawing. She felt two arms wrap around her waist. She smiled and relaxed, putting down the drawing. 

      “Hi,” Shiro said. He buried his face in her neck. 

      “Hi,” She closed her eyes. 

      “You should get some rest princess,” 

      “I've got work,”

      “It's okay,”

      “You're still awake,” She turned to face him, keeping her body pressed against his. She didn't want to miss any kind of contact with him. Even though she could beat him in any kind of strength battle easily, he always made her feel small, yet protected. 

      “I am, because I can't sleep without you,” He touched her cheek, smiling softly. 

      She kissed him gently on the lips, savoring the feeling. “I’ll be there in a minute love,” 

      “What if I'm not there anymore?” Shiro asked. The scene had changed. They were no longer on Altea. They were in a dark room. This was another event that happened. Shiro was afraid of what would happen if he died. Or if he left the team. How the other paladins would cope. 

      “We don't need to worry about that I don't think,” Allura did her best to comfort him. She knew how the rest of the dream went. “I'm always going to be here. And you are too.”

      “But Allura, if they were going to disband the team they would go for me. I'm the leader, but I- it's hard.”

      “I know,” She had her arms around his neck. “You're doing great so far. Fantastic actually.”

      “You say that but it's probably not true. They’ve all gotten hurt because of me.”

      “But they’re fine now!”

      “I suppose. I need to be there for them, right?” Shiro asked. His face was clouded with worry. An expression she had seen several times. 

      “Yes, they need you. I need you,” She felt Shiro’s lips on hers as the scene changed again. It was their apartment in New York. She knew what happened but couldn't stop herself from continuing to walk towards their bedroom. It was clean and there was a note on the bed with her name on it. She didn't need to read it. She knew what it said. She walked to the closet, hoping Shiro would be there smiling. But he wasn't. She opened the door to see him hanging from the ceiling. She was crying like she always did. She looked around the closet like she always did. She saw words written in blood like she always did. 

_       You could have saved me _ . They said. 

_       Was I not good enough for you? _

_       Why did you let this happen?  _

 

      She woke up screaming. Within seconds, Coran was at her door and Pidge close behind.

      “Princess!” Coran exclaimed already at her bedside. “What happened”

      “It's nothing…” she wiped the sweat off her face and tried to steady her breath, but the image of Shiro dangling in front of her was burned into her memory once again. 

      “Did you have the dream again?” Pidge asked. She had climbed into the princess’ bed. 

      “I-” Allura felt the tears coming. She knew if she kept talking, she would burst into sobs, so she nodded. Instantly, she felt Pidge’s tiny arms around her waist and Coran holding her to his chest. 

      “It's okay Allura,” Coran was running his hands through her hair. “We’ve got you.”

      “Do you want to talk about it?” Pidge asked. 

      “I miss him Pidge. I miss him so much,” Allura admitted. “If I lost another paladin I don't know if I could handle it.”

      “None of us could,” Coran reassured her. “We’ve got to stick together. Just like old times, yea?” Allura nodded and relaxed into her friend’s arms. She was safe. She was loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's another short chapter, sorry about that. But thanks for reading anyway!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello here's the chapter for today! No trigger warnings for this chapter, just lots of fluffy Lance moments. Enjoy!

      Lance shut the door behind him. He had spent the night at Keith’s place without texting Allura or Pidge. He felt guilty but figured they would understand why he didn't go home. “Hey guys! Sorry I'm a bit late!” No one responded. He felt the familiar pain of worry in his chest. Maybe they left him. Maybe they hated him the whole time. Maybe they were waiting for him to leave so they could get out of his life forever. Lance tried desperately to calm the anxious thoughts in his brain while he searched the apartment. He opened the guest room door and found them all huddled together in a pile. “Oh there you guys are, I was worried.”

      Pidge looked up from her position on the bed and gestured for him to join them. “Welcome back.”

      Lance lay on the bed behind Pidge, ruffling her hair as he got into position. “What happened?”

      “Allura had another nightmare,” Pidge said. “The same one as always.”

      “Oh,” The princess said sleepily. “Lance is back. How was your night?”

      “Doesn't matter, Are you okay Allura?” Lance asked.

      “I'm alright,” She responded.

      “She needs more rest,” Coran told him. “But we’re all here right now to make sure she feels safe.”

      “Okay,” Lance said. He knew how it felt to wake up from a nightmare and knew how much he wanted someone else with him. “I can do that, if she wants me here.”

       “You can stay Lance,” Allura said. “Actually I’d like you to stay.”

      “Ooh I like where this is going,” Lance jokes. It was out of instinct at the point. Pidge groaned at the comment while Allura only laughed. She missed this. They all did.

\---

      It was later in the day. Lance was attempting to cook something to drown out the fact that he hadn't had any alcohol in two days. He usually made it to 5 before he passed out at the bar that served to minors. Currently, he was trying to make Ropa vieja like his mom used to. Already, his apartment was smelling like his childhood home. Lance had always been the sibling that cooked for the family, he was the one the received the family cookbook that had been passed down for 5 generations. His grandma used to pick him up and let him taste the flan before his siblings. Lance smiled at the memory, if only his grandma could see him now -- saver of the universe turned teen alcoholic.

      Lance was in the fourth hour of cooking. The beef had been slow roasted and had just finished. All he needed now was some rice, beans and tortillas.

      “So did y’all fuck?”

      He jumped at the voice behind him. “You shouldn't curse like that Pidge, you are a child.”

      Pidge clicked her tongue. “As a wise woman once said, ‘I do what I want.’ Also it smells really good Lance why didn't you show off these skills on the castle?”

      “I didn't want to take any of the spotlight away from Hunk,” He was bragging now. “Otherwise, he wouldn't have really had a thing. But we used to cook together a lot.”

      “Cool! So did you and Keith fuck?”

      “We did not, and stop he doesn't want to.”

      “Have you told him yet?” Pidge asked. Her voice had softened from before.

      Lance winced. “I can't.”

      “You have to. You told me.”

      “But that's different, you're my best friend. Or one of them. And telling my trauma to you is easy. But with him… it's different.”

      “He should know,” Pidge put her hand on Lance’s shoulder. “He told you his stuff. It will help, I promise.”

      “I'm worried it will be too much,” He admitted. “And maybe he’ll figure out that he doesn't want me any more.”

      “It's not like a huge deal, besides what he did was way worse and you still love him right?”

      “Yeah, I do. But I don't know. It was more psychological than physical like you guys. I was pretty fucked up after that wasn't I?”

      “You were, but then again we all were. Or at least the three of us.”

      “I don't understand,” Lance furrowed his brow. “Why they captured the three of us? Like why Keith and You and me? Why not Shiro or Allura? Or anyone else.”

      “I've thought about that actually, I mean Keith because he's Galra, and me because of Matt. But you, I'm not sure. Especially considering what they did to you, I don't know what their goal was.”

      “I know, I'm the least useful member of the team,”

      “Shut up, you’ve saved all of our asses at least 30 times,” Pidge said. “My point is that you have nothing to do with the Galra. Or their past. Like they wanted to talk to me about to get some information my father and Matt had and Keith so they could use him.”

      “Yeah,” Lance turned back to the food. “Lunch is ready by the way.”

      “I’ll tell the others,” She turned away before pausing in the doorway. “You should tell him. He’ll be okay with it, and he trusts you. It's okay if you don't come home tonight.”

      Lance rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “I love you buddy.”

      She relaxed into his chest. “I love you too.” She let go of him and walked out of the kitchen with a warm smile on her face.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the chapter for today. No trigger warnings but there is a mention of torture but it's psychological and there is no graphic scene, so enjoy!

      It was Thursday night. Keith was waiting for Lance to come over. He wasn't nervous around him anymore. All of their feelings were out on the table. They didn't need to hide from each other. But Keith was worried about the intervention tomorrow. He was worried Lance wouldn't take it well and lash out at them. It was unlikely, but it was a fear that pestered Keith as he paced his apartment. Already, he missed his new boyfriend. It probably wasn’t good to be this affectionate this fast, but at least Lance reciprocated these feelings. Speaking of which, there was a knock at the door. 

      Keith rushed to the door and opened it, revealing a nervous looking Lance. Keith threw his arms around his boyfriend who reciprocated the embrace. 

      “Hey,” Lance said when they pulled apart. “It’s good to see you but I need to talk to you.”

      Keith felt a sharp pain in his stomach. “Is it bad?”

      “No it’s just, I haven’t told you everything,” 

      “Okay,” Keith tried to ignore all the anxious thoughts crowding his brain. “Let’s go to my room. Or anywhere else I guess.”

      Lance took Keith’s hand. “Yeah, that’s fine. Also try not to worry, it’s not bad.”

      Keith did try not to worry. But he worried. He worried for the 10 seconds it took to go to the bedroom and the next 7 seconds it took for them to get settled. He worried for the half second that Lance cleared his throat and held Keith’s hand. 

      “So listen,” Lance began. “You remember that thing they made you do to prove you were Galra? ‘Knowledge or death,’ virtual mindscape, all that stuff?”

      “Vividly,” 

      “Well, turns out the Galra has that as a torture device. And, well, I had to do that on a daily basis. So yeah. And remember how you saw Shiro?”

      “Yeah,”

      “Well I saw you. And I don't know. You were there and I fought you and you said my greatest fears but we also made out and um after they finished making me do that I kept seeing you. And I had this whole relationship with you and I know that's creepy and weird but I was not in my right mind. Turns out they were using me to test out some kind of mind fuck device and well, it worked. Even without the suit the effects were still there. That's what they were testing.”

      “Oh,” Keith let out a sigh of relief. “That's it? That's not bad Lance. That's nothing.”

      “You don’t think it’s creepy?” 

      “Of course not dude, I know what that does to you. I was FUCKED after that incident.”

      “I know,” Lance said softly. “I remember, it scared me.”

      “Not as much as that explosion you blocked scared me.”

      “Yeah well you kept almost killing yourself every day.”

      “Ah,” Keith was beginning to smile. “Well I couldn’t help myself. I had a very cute boy to impress.” He leaned closer to Lance and tapped his nose.

      Lance scrunched up his face. “Not cool man.” 

      Keith continued to smirk and tap Lance’s nose, making a “boop” noise. He poked Lance’s cheek, surprised at how soft it was. “Whoa,” He marveled at the soft and malleable skin. He put a hand on both sides of Lance’s face and moved his hands together, making Lance look like a fish. “How do you get your skin so soft?”

      “30 minute skincare routine dear, you should try it some time.” Lance was cocky again. Like he used to be. The probing of his face continued, with Keith being continually surprised at the softness of Lance’s skin. 

      “Okay I’m done, sorry,” Keith moved his hands down. 

      “So it’s my turn now?” 

      Keith sighed as Lance began to squish his face. 

      “You need to do a pore strip,” Lance was visibly cringing. 

      “A what now?”

      “You’ve got too many blackheads,”

      Keith shoved him playfully. “Okay, I can do that for you.” They continued to lie there, just enjoying each other’s company. Keith was lying on Lance’s shoulder, smiling up at his boyfriend.

     “Your eyes are so pretty, babe.” Lance stroked Keith’s cheek. 

     “Thanks I worked hard on them,”

     “You're so cute,”

     Keith smiled. “Can I kiss you?”

     “What? I mean yes but are you sure?” 

     “Yep, I want to kiss your stupid face.” Keith kissed Lance’s cheek, then his forehead, then his nose. The kisses were quick and soft but neither of them could keep from smiling. Keith noticed how Lance’s skin felt on his lips. How it was soft and warm. How his face felt human and familiar. How none of it was like the Galra. 

      After he had kissed every inch of Lance’s face, (minus the lips because he was afraid of a repeat of what had happened a few days before if he kissed back) Keith lay back down. “Hey so tomorrow, we’re going to see Hunk. And I think you should sleep over tonight, if the others are alright with that of course.”

      “Wait really?” Lance leaned on his side. “They’re letting us see him?”

      “Yep, we’re going to go at one.”

      “That’s awesome, oh man I can’t wait to see him!” He raised a hand to his face, totally overwhelmed with happiness. 

      “Me neither,” Keith also smiled, but only because he knew that tomorrow would mark the start of Lance’s recovery.

      “Also Pidge knew I was coming here so I can sleep over,”

      “Good, I love you.”

      “I love you too, Keith.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Yeah so Lance had some weird psychological torture and was captured for testing. The big intervention is coming in chapter 16 and the next chapter is very short so hang tight for a little bit. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's this chapter, I'm sorry it's a bit late I had a bunch of things come up and life happened. Also this chapter is really short but the next one is longer, I promise. No trigger warnings for this chapter just some domestic Klance. I hope you like it!

      The soft morning light trickled into Keith’s window. His eyes opened slowly for the first time since he fell asleep, something that hadn’t happened in a long time. He felt around him for Lance only to find the bed empty. He felt a surge of panic rise in his chest. Thoughts of Lance leaving him fired through his mind like bullets, until he realized the space next to him was still warm. If Lance did leave he would have to be close by. Keith shot out of bed and half sprinted to the living room. “Lance?” He called out. He ignored the strain in his voice. All he cared about was finding Lance. 

      “I’m in the kitchen, babe!” Lance’s voice rang through the house. Light and sweet, it washed all of Keith’s worries away. 

_       Babe. _

      “Hey,” Keith walked over to the kitchen, his hands were shaking. “I’m sorry. I freaked out.”

      “Don’t worry about it, I made breakfast.”

      “Can I kiss you?” Keith asked. 

      “Of course,” Lance leaned over as Keith kissed him on the cheek. “How do you like your eggs?”

      “I don’t know. Shiro made them fried, so maybe that.”

      “You got it,” Lance turned to the stove. “I’m a good cook you know.”

      “Oh really?”

      “For sure, meanwhile I bet you can’t tell the difference between oregano and a leaf.”

      “Okay first of all, fuck you and second of all what is that.”

      “It’s this,” Lance pulled a bottle of oregano from the plastic bag on the counter Keith hadn’t noticed before.

      “That looks like weed,” Keith said. “Also you went shopping?”

      “Yeah, I just got back actually. It only took about 10 minutes.”

      “Good,” Keith leaned over Lance’s shoulder. “So what are you making?”

      “Pancakes, with eggs and sausage.”

      “Well then,”

      “What?”

      “Always gotta one up me with your skills, huh?”

      Lance turned around and glared at Keith. “Shut up, you’re better than me at…”

      “At…?”

      “I can’t think of a way to insult myself,” 

      Keith punched Lance’s arm playfully. “Shut up.”

      “Here, breakfast is ready, babe,” Lance handed Keith a plate. 

      “Is that what you’re calling me?” Keith took the plate and began to walk to the kitchen. 

      “Would you prefer daddy?”

      “God no.” Keith cringed and sat down. Lance laughed as he sat next to Keith. There was a scent that filled Keith’s nose. It was pungent, strong, familiar. “Are you drinking?”

      “I only had a shot, like coffee.” Lance noticed Keith’s face and sighed. “I’m not drunk, Keith.”

      “Where did you get it? I don’t have any liquor here.”

      “I bought some at 1 this morning.”

      “You were up then?” Keith felt guilty. He should have stayed awake long enough to prevent Lance from doing that.

      “It’s fine.”

      “No”

      “Forget about it.”

      “Okay.”

      Breakfast continued in silence. They only talked briefly for the time before they departed for the hospital. They lay on the couch together, mostly just enjoying each others company. Finally, they left for the hospital. 

      “Is my motorcycle going to be okay to get there?” Keith asked. The tension between them was gone, but he was still being careful with his words. 

      “Hell yes,” Lance smiled. “That’s hot.”

      “Shut up.” Keith handed Lance a helmet. “Put this on or you’ll die.”

      “Okay man,” Lance put the helmet on. They both got on the motorcycle, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist. 

      “Ready?”

      “Yep.” And they set off.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy it's the intervention chapter! It's got lots of feelings and hopefully is decent. Let me know what you think!

      Pidge attacked Hunk the second she walked into his hospital room. It was so forceful that Hunk let out a shocked gasp. He wrapped his arms around her tightly.

      “Hey guys!” He said cheerfully. He looked around the room, absorbing the faces he hadn’t seen in so long. Pidge was smiling so wide it looked like her face was going to fall off. Her hair was longer, but she was the same. The mischievous glint in her eyes had not lost it’s shine. Allura was walking over to Hunk, arm in arm with Coran. The two looked exactly the same as they always had, but even more inseparable. 

      “Hello Hunk!” Coran wrapped him up in a warm embrace. “It’s lovely to see you. How are you feeling?”

      “Awesome today! I get to see my friends and I’m so excited,” Hunk kept a firm grip on Pidge’s shoulder, he missed her too much to let her go even for a second. 

      “This room is nice,” Allura looked around. She was feeling spacey today, but overjoyed to be seeing Hunk again. They would all be together again soon. 

      “Ohmygod Hunk!” Pidge said quickly. “Keith and Lance started dating,”

      “Finally,” Hunk said sarcastically. “Remember Lance at the Garrison?”

      “‘Ugh that really hot pilot beat me again and I would be mad but he’s soooooo hot!’ Good times” Pidge mocked. “Oh my god! Remember valentine's day?”

      “Yeah! So embarrassing!” Hunk mimicked Lance. “ ‘Uh-uh Keith I think you’re cute and want to ask you out’ And then Keith said…”

      “‘No thanks! Also who are you?’” Pidge burst out laughing. She forgot about all her troubles and focused only on reminiscing with her best friend. 

      “He was so stupid,” Hunk was still giggling. 

      “Okay guys, I know you’re excited but we have to think about what we’re going to say to Lance.” Allura, as always, was the adult in the situation. 

      “We should let them relax for a bit, they haven’t seen each other in forever,” Coran was smiling like a father proud of his children. “My question is, Pidge, where do you want Keith?”

      Pidge stopped laughing. “He can be in the room, I’m going to try to avoid him. I think I’ll be okay.”

      “Are you sure?” Hunk asked. 

      “Yes,” Pidge took a breath. “Also I wrote a letter for Lance.”

      “Good,” Allura checked her phone. “They’re here, just checking into the hospital.”

      “So we just go a around saying our thoughts?” Coran asked. 

      “Sounds good,” Hunk flashed a thumbs up. The sound of footsteps walking towards the room made Pidge look up. Her heart began to race as she waited to see them walk through the door. She would be okay. Keith would not hurt her. He was a friend. Just someone who was brainwashed and cut her face up. The footsteps stopped. There was some hushed chatter. 

      “I can’t do this I can’t hurt her again,”

      “You won’t hurt her,”

      “She might be okay, she wanted you here clearly,”

      “I shouldn’t go in there,”

      “Come on, you miss your boy Hunk don’t you?”   


      “Yes,”

      “I love you, let’s go in there,”

      “Love you too,”

      Lance stepped into the room, grinning when he saw Hunk. He rushed over and hugged his friend tightly. “Hey buddy, I’ve missed you.”

      “Lance!” Hunk returned the hug with equal vigor. “Oh my god! You look so good! I can’t believe you all are here!” 

      “Ah yes, the three amigos,” Pidge said sarcastically. “Kicking alien ass and taking names.”

     “Pidge what did I tell you about language,” Lance tapped her nose. 

      “Hey, let her say what she wants,” Hunk intergected. 

      “Thank you Hunk,”

      “You’re welcome,” Hunk now noticed Keith lingering by the door. “Oh come on, are you too emo for a hug? Bring it in buddy.”

      Keith smiled shyly but walked into Hunk’s open arms. He tried not to look at Pidge, but the room was too small to truly avoid her. Their arms brushed for half a second as Keith pulled away. Keith retreated to a corner of the room, waiting for when the time would come to have Lance’s intervention. He watched Hunk, Lance, and Pidge reminisce and reunite. He watched Allura and Coran joke around with the kids and each other. No one really talked to him, but he liked it better that way -- at least for now. 

      Allura walked over to him. “Hey, you okay?”

      “Yeah, I just don’t want to hurt her anymore than I already have,” 

      “Keith, it’s okay. She doesn’t hate you, not anymore. In fact she loves you very much. If this goes well, talk to her. In private.” Allura put her hand on Keith’s shoulder. 

      Laughter erupted through the room. “And you got milk all over your shirt!” Pidge laughed.

      “Yeah well Hunk threw up!” Lance feigned hurt. 

      “Well at least I got a cute alien girl to actually have a crush on me,” Hunk said.

      “Keith counts,” Lance said. 

      “He’s half alien and he is not cute, or a girl,” Pidge listed off her fingers. 

      “Come on I’m right here,” Keith spoke up finally. He hoped he didn’t make things awkward. 

      “Look I’m just telling the truth,” Pidge said without skipping a beat. She didn’t even notice Keith had talked. She forgot about everything for a moment. 

      “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about,” Lance grabbed Keith by the arm. “He is very cute.”

      Allura glanced at Coran who nodded in response. “Okay, paladins! It looks like you’ve had some time to catch up so now we can move on to the important thing”

      “‘Paladins?’ Come on Allura we’re not in the castle anymore,” Lance joked. 

      “What the princess is saying actually pertains to you Lance so listen up,” Coran scolded. 

      “Thank you Coran,” Allura nodded. “Now Lance, we all have noticed a couple things and we want to talk to you about it. We want to preface by saying that we all love you and don’t want you to feel attacked. Now, Pidge?”

      Pidge took a paper out from her pocket. “Lance, I love you very much as you know, but I noticed that you started drinking. I don’t know how long you’ve been doing this but I do know that --”

      “Wait stop,” Lance waved his hands around. “What the fuck is this?”

      “It’s an intervention of sorts. We just want to help --” Hunk was interrupted. 

      “You told them Keith?” Lance was on the verge of shouting. 

      “I-” Keith was trying to find the words, but couldn’t.

      “He didn’t,” Allura spoke softly. “I saw you and Pidge found out. In no way did Keith betray your trust.”

      “You guys I’m  _ fine, _ ” Lance spoke through gritted teeth.    


      “Lance you should really listen to them-” Keith tried to say. 

      “I’m fine,” Lance said again. “That’s the end of it.”

      “Come on Lance,” Hunk said softly. “Don’t take it out on him. I don’t get to see you very often, so just stay and listen. Okay?”

      Lance grumbled something but sat down on a chair next to Hunk’s bed. “Proceed.”

      “Okay, as I was saying,” Pidge cleared her throat. “Lance, I love you very much as you know, but I noticed that you started drinking. I don’t know how long you’ve been doing this but I do know that drinking affects the people around you. My brother had a friend who started drinking. It wasn’t pretty, and I can’t imagine seeing that happen to you. If you won’t listen to the social aspect then at least consider the medical risks. You could die. We can’t handle a death. I love you. We love you. Shiro loves you. Your mom loves you. Call her. Get help. Get better.” 

       They all stared at Lance who was doing his best to look interested. He was trying to listen, but it wasn’t like Pidge was telling him any new information. 

      “Thank you Pidge,” He said. “I will take that to consideration.”

      “Keith?” Pidge said tentatively. “You wrote something too, right?”

      “Yeah,” Keith said softly. “Um… Okay. Dear Lance. I have only recently said that I love you to your face, sooner than that, I found out you were drinking. But before that you were one of my best friends. You have been by my side for a long time. Longer than I’ve known about the drinking. Long before you needed me to do this. I remember one night in particular, when I needed you. It was on the castle and I was very disappointed in myself. I had a couple razors by my side and I was tempted to use them. But you came because you saw I missed dinner. You noticed the little sign that I needed you. And you’ve given me more than enough signs that you need me. And I may have tried to help but not enough. I’ve never had the courage to take action and try to get you to stop. So I am begging you to stop drinking. Please. I love you so much. I just need you in my life for as long as possible.”

      Allura had her arm around Keith. She was holding him tightly and making him feel safe. It was working, Keith felt safe, but he didn’t know what Lance felt. Lance was looking at the floor, his eyes covered with his hair, not saying anything. 

      “I’ll go next,” Hunk said. “Buddy, I didn’t prepare anything. But remember the time in the Garrison when that girl rejected you? You asked her out really nice and stuff, and then boom. She crushed your heart. I think about that a lot. Because you were kind of upset but you still smiled and talked all night with me about life and stuff. I miss your smile when I’m here. And if anything prevents me from seeing that smile again I’m going to kick its ass.”

      Lance looked up. There were a couple tears running down his face, but he was smiling. The smile was empty, totally unlike his other smiles. Totally unlike the smile Hunk was talking about or the smile Pidge saw that meant she was home or the smile that Keith fell in love with. 

      “You guys are really sweet. I appreciate this, I do. But I know all this stuff you’re saying. I’m aware. But I can’t stop.”

      “Lance, you have to,” Coran spoke up. He had been quiet for some time, leaving the kids to talk amongst themselves, but it was time for some adult intervention. “You can’t do this for much longer. I know how this road goes. We have the same kind of heavy stuff on Altea, and while I don’t know if your lungs physically burn up when the alcohol gets too much, I do know that no good can come from this. If I have to force you to get better, I will.”

      “How can you do that?” Lance asked. 

      “By calling your mother.”

      The room fell silent. Lance’s mother was not a force to be reckoned with. 

      “Okay,” Lance finally gave in. “I’ll stop. I promise. Keith?”

      “Yeah?” Keith stepped forward and took Lance’s hand. 

      “Keep me honest. Don’t let me drink while I’m at your house. And Pidge?” Lance instructed. 

      “Yes?” Pidge said. 

      “Keep me honest at home. I’m going to change, and you won’t have to call my mama.” Lance was standing now. The sparkle in his eye had returned. He had a mission. And all it took was a threat to call his mother. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, here's the chapter for today. No trigger warnings for this chapter just a lot of fluff and Lance recovering. And I don't know a whole lot about recovering from an alcohol addiction so bear with me! Anyways, enjoy!

_       One week sober _

      Lance was bored. He had just come home from his meeting and was feeling pretty good about himself. The meeting helped. He was spending a lot of time working on various tasks whenever the urge to drink hit him. Which was often. But it was hard to drink when there was nothing readily available in his apartment. It was times like this where he worried. He was bored, there was nothing to do. Normally he would drink, but knew he couldn’t.Thankfully, his phone vibrated. 

**PidgeHOEtto:** The bird is in the nest

**PidgeHOEtto:** We landed

**Me:** Yay!!!!!!   


**Me:** Say hi to Matt for me 

**PidgeHOEtto:** He says hello

**Me:** Good

**Me:** How was the flight?

**PidgeHOEtto:** Boring, yo

**PidgeHOEtto:** Read a few books tho

**Me:** Dang that’s nice

**Me:** Maybe I should read

**PidgeHOEtto:** Yesssssss

**PidgeHOEtto:** Ask your bf for book recs he actually has some good ones like damn. He mostly likes sci fi and stuff like that but also classics???? Surprising

**Me:** Yes my babe is very educated

**Me:** I love him

**PidgeHOEtto:** We know

**PidgeHOEtto:** Matt says he knows

**Me:** Yikes sorry Matt

**PidgeHOEtto:** The Matt forgives but he never forgets

**PidgeHOEtto:** Also

**PidgeHOEtto:** If you guys are ever in town, you should come over for dinner

**Me:** Really?

**PidgeHOEtto:** Yeah, your boyfriend and I have been texting and that is okay with me so eventually I will be ready to have one on one conversations again.

**Me:** Oh yeah he mentioned that

**PidgeHOEtto:** Keith is actually really cool???? Like I wish we could have been friends in the Garrison

**Me:** Ya same

**PidgeHOEtto:** You just wanted to fuck him

**Me:** True

**PidgeHOEtto:** Okay sorry I got to go bud, Matt wants to do our stupid movies

**PidgeHOEtto:** It’s not stupid I just want to make up lost time with my favorite sister

**PidgeHOEtto:** Matt stole my phone

**Me:** Okay… talk later Pidge. 

      Lance put his phone next to him. He felt good. He was smiling the whole time he was texting Pidge. Maybe being sober wasn’t so bad. 

 

_       Three weeks sober _

      “I fucking hate being sober!” Lance yelled. He was at Keith’s apartment, throwing things. Throughout the past week he had been crashing there every night to try and deal with the withdrawals. He was shaking and sweating. He didn’t even bother to wear shirts around the apartment because they would be drenched in sweat. Currently he was throwing Keith’s stuffed animals. 

      “But babe,” Keith was sitting on his bed, watching his favorite childhood stuffed animal being tossed against the wall. “You have to you know that.”

      Lance glared at him. “But it fucking sucks!” Another toy hit the wall. “Also, this?” Lance gestured to his body. “Not attractive. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period of the relationship where everything I do is sexy but nope! I’m a sweaty mess!”

      “I still find you very cute if that’s what you want to hear,” Keith said. 

      “Shut up… you’re cute!” Lance turned to face Keith, he was visibly very angry. “Stop being a good boyfriend!”

      “Would you rather me be annoying asshole Keith?”

      “No because I feel in love with annoying asshole Keith!” 

      “Okay sharpshooter,” Keith said sarcastically. 

      “Shut up, mullet!”

      “Whoa,” Keith feigned being insulted. “That’s a good one. Real original.”

      Lance opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He took a deep breath and returned to throwing things. 

      “So how about, I make you some tea, and then we watch a movie?” Keith suggested, standing up. 

      “What movie?”

      “The Lion King,” Keith put his arm on Lance’s shoulder. 

      “I’m going to cry Keith,” His tone was softer at Keith’s touch. 

      “At least you won’t be yelling,”

      “Okay,”

      “Can I kiss you?” Keith asked like he always did. 

      “Yes please,”

      Keith kissed Lance’s cheek and walked over to his kitchen. 

      The two watched the movie together, cuddled on the couch. Lance cried when Mufasa died while Keith complained about the inbreeding that the pride would have to have. It was a night that was becoming the standard for them. Watching Disney movies and then falling asleep tangled in each other's arms. It was a comforting way to end what was always a stressful day. Lance struggled everyday to make it to this point sober, and when he did, it was like winning a battle. The nights with Keith was a reward just for making it to the end of the day. 

      “Hey Lance?” Keith asked. The movie was over and they were in bed. They were going about to fall asleep, but something was bothering him. It had been bothering him for some time but he never had the courage to ask. 

      “Mmmhmm?” Lance was half asleep. 

      “Are you sick of me?” 

      Lance shifted and turned to face Keith. He was wide awake now. “No. Of course not. Why do you ask?”

      “Well, I can’t do anything sexual and I don’t even know if I can kiss you like actually kiss. And I see that might be boring for you so I was thinking that-” He was interrupted. 

      “Keith no, no way. Obviously I love you for more than that,” Lance stroked Keith’s hair. “I love you because you listen. I love you because you’re here. I love the way you hold me when I’m scared. The way you wake me up in the morning. The way you can’t even cook toast. The way your eyes look in the moonlight. How pretty your eyes are. How when you wake up at night and hold on to me. How when I wake up you soothe me back to sleep. There’s a million reasons I love you, and me not kissing you doesn’t change any of that.”

      Keith was silent. He was smiling. “Remember how a long time ago you said you weren’t one for big speeches?”

      “Yeah?”

      “Well you keep giving me them,” Keith put a hand on Lance’s cheek. “And I love it.”

      “Okay… go to sleep buddy or you’ll get sappy.”

      “ _ I’ll  _ get sappy?” Keith mocked hurt and tapped Lance’s nose before moving to rest his head on Lance’s chest. He did this often, so when he dreamt Lance died in his arms, he could wake to his heartbeat. They fell asleep like that, like they always did. It was warm. It was comforting. It was natural. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of updates again. This week has been super hectic with rehearsals and concerts back to back. Anyway, there's only two chapters after this one, so thanks for sticking with the story if you have, and I hope you like it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello here's the chapter for today! There's some cutting in this chapter so if that's a trigger for you, you should avoid the end of this chapter. Enjoy

_       Two months sober _

       Hunk stood hand in hand with his mother. They were outside the hospital, both of them radiating happiness. He was out of the hospital. He was on the path to recovery. He was free to go wherever and see whoever he wanted without doctors telling him what he could do. He could go home. He could finally tell his mom everything that happened while he was a paladin. Everything he experienced, everyone he met, all the cool things he did. It would be great. Just like old times. 

      “What do you want for your first dinner home?” His mom asked. They had reached their car. 

      “Anything you make,” Hunk said. “I’ve been eating space goo and hospital food for way too long.”

      “Space goo?” 

      “It’s better than it sounds mama, I swear,” Hunk assured her. His phone had been out of commision for the 8 months he had been in the hospital as well as all the time he had been in space. Finally he had it back, and there were a lot of messages. A lot. He scrolled back and found the old group chat with Pidge and Lance. 

 

_       Groupchat with GettingBi and Hackerman _

 

**Me:** Guess who’s got their phone back after over a year!!!!   


**Hackerman:** ITS MY BOYYYYYYYY

**Hackerman:** HUNKULESSSSSSS

**GettingBi:** DWEBFEWBFHRWEUIFREUFREIUFUI3RW

**GettingBi:** I forgot about this groupchat omf

**GettingBi:** Have you looked at these messages

**Hackerman:** “OMGGGGG guysssssss. Why is mullet fuck so cute but so fucking annoying at the same time” -Lance McClain

**Hackerman:** I’m sending these to him btw

**GettingBi:** NO

**Me:** God Lance such a drama queen

**Me:** Okay now that this is established I’m gonna talk to my mom

**Me:** You should to Lance

**GettingBi:** Don’t guilt trip me

 

      Hunk closed his phone. He was almost home. So close to the house he grew up in. So close to all of his childhood memories. He hadn’t been back in so long. He stepped through the door and was greeted by his dog, Meat. He had gotten much bigger since Hunk had left and the Tibetan Mastiff knocked him to the floor. 

      “Hey buddy!” Hunk patted his dog on the floor and attempted to get up but was covered in dog slobber. 

      “He’s missed you!” Hunk’s mom said, helping her son off the floor. “I’ve missed you too.”

      “I know mom,” Hunk hugged his mom. “I missed you too, but there’s so much I have to tell you oh my goodness.”

      “I’ve been waiting to hear! You didn’t say much in your letters.” They sat down on the couch. 

      “I know. So basically, there’s this alien race called the Galra. Super evil alien cat dudes. Except for Keith who is half and not evil. And then we were all part of Voltron. Which is six mechanical alien lions that come together and form a giant robot!” Hunk said. 

      “Who is ‘we’?” His mom asked. Meat jumped up on the couch. 

      “Me, Lance, Pidge, Keith and Shiro. Also Allura and Coran but they didn’t have a lion,” Hunk explained. And so he talked to his mother. He told his mom everything that happened. Told her how he started by vomiting everywhere and ended up saving everyone else's asses on multiple occasions. He told her everything. From start to finish. The story that changed his life. Now he was home safe and he never had to look back. 

\---  
  


      Lance was not home yet. Keith worried. He hadn’t been alone in about a month and wasn’t totally sure if he could handle it. He felt his dark memories creeping back into his brain.  The urge to hurt himself grew stronger as his body grew numb. He started to think that it wouldn’t be too bad if he died right now. These thoughts had left him ever since Lance had started to sleep at Keith’s apartment. They basically lived together. And it helped, except for the nights when he woke up, but Lance was always there for those nights. Not today however. Lance was not here. He was out getting milk after his meeting because they didn’t have any. He had only been gone for five extra minutes and Keith was already freaking out. He searched around his house for his knife. He needed this. He had been clean for long enough. It would only be a few cuts on his thighs. No one would know. 

      Keith had the knife in his hand. His shorts were pulled up. His brain was going far too fast, thinking too many things yet nothing at once. He hated himself. He deserved it. He pressed the cold metal against his skin. That sensation alone made him feel better yet he continued. He dragged the knife across his skin quickly and gently. It took a moment for the blood to appear. He heard the door click open and quickly hid the knife and stood up. 

      “Hey Keith I got the milk!” Lance’s voice rang through the house. “Also my 60 day chip!”

      “That’s great babe!” Keith was smiling. It was forced but it was a smile. 

      “You okay there?” Lance put the bag of milk on the counter and tossed his chip with into the bowl with the others. 

      “Define ‘okay,’”

      “Keith what’s wrong?” 

      Keith was quiet. He could feel a tiny bit of blood trickle down his leg. “It’s okay now I think. I just missed you. 

      Lance walked over to him. “Talk to me.”

      Keith felt his eyes well up with tears and he threw himself into Lance’s arms. “I know I’ve been clean for so long I just couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.”

     “Oh Keith I’m so sorry,” Lance said softly. “I should have been here.”

     “No this isn’t your fault,” Keith buried his head into Lance’s shoulder. “I’m weak. I’m worthless and I’m basically nothing without you.”

     “Don’t say that,” Lance pulled away and cupped Keith’s face in his hands. “Never say that. You are none of those things.”

     “Yes I am, you know it.”

     “I know that I love you,”

     “I love you too,” Keith sighed. He was avoiding Lance’s eyes, afraid of what he would see. Disappointment? Fear? He didn’t want to know. 

     “Look at me,”

     Keith looked. He saw the way Lance’s face was etched with worry. The way his focus was only on the face in front of him. The way his eyes were filled with love. Love. Not disappointment. Not fear. Keith could see the way Lance was scanning his face, searching for a tiny sign that would tell him how to help. But Lance was helping enough. 

     “Lance,” Keith’s voice was quiet now. “Can you kiss me?”

     “Are you sure?” Lance asked. He put Keith before anyone. For the few months they had been dating he always let Keith make the first move so he would be comfortable and safe. Lance never pressured him, always being gentle and kind. 

     “Yes, and a real kiss. On the mouth,” 

     “I can do that,” Lance smiled. “You’re sure?”

     Keith nodded and closed his eyes. He felt Lance’s lips on his. The kiss was very tentative, but gentle. It wasn’t one of those kisses you see in the movies where the music swells and the actors fall into a kiss that tops all other kisses. It was nothing like that, but it was enough. Enough to let them know that they would be okay. 

     Keith pulled away. “Thank you,”

     “Of course,”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy it's the final chapter! What a wild ride it was. Let me know what you thought of it! I had a lot of fun writing it, I hope you had fun reading it!

_       4 months sober _

 

_       Groupchat with Babe <3, PigeHOEtto, Hunk as Hell, Mother, & The Gorgeous Man, _

**PidgeHOEtto:** We landed bitch

**Me:** Fucking finally

**Mother:** Please watch your language

**The Gorgeous Man:** Let them have fun

**Mother:** No

**Hunk as Hell:** I’m waiting at Klance’s place btw

**Babe <3: ** ...klance?

**Hunk as Hell:** It’s what I’m saying instead of Keith and Lance’s place.

**Hunk as Hell:** It saves time

**Me:** I LOVE ITTTTTTTTT

**Babe <3: ** I don’t

**PidgeHOEtto:** Suck it up bitch because it’s summer break and we all back boyyyyy

**Me:** Ya but where’s the Matt Man

**PidgeHOEtto:** He hates planes

**Me:** Ugh

**Mother:** Thank you for letting us stay with you guys by the way

**Me:** No prob

**Me:** I’m hardly in my apartment anyway

**Babe <3: ** Ya I wonder why

**Me:** <333333

**The Gorgeous Man:** Get a room

**PidgeHOEtto:** OH SHIT CORAN

**PidgeHOEtto:** THAT WAS BRUTAL

**Hunk as Hell:** Props to the old man

**The Gorgeous Man:** IM NOT OLD 

**Mother:** We’re over 10,000 years old technically

**The Gorgeous Man:** And we still look good

**PidgeHOEtto:** We at your old place Lance

**PidgeHOEtto:** Be here in 10 minutes or we KICK YOUR ASS

**Babe <3: ** Don’t hurt his ass

**Me:** BABEEEE

**Hunk as Hell:** I’m going to throw up

 

      Lance held Keith’s hand as they ascended the stairs to his apartment. He felt good. He was finally getting used to being sober. He and Keith were stable. They did everything together. They were each other’s best friend. The way it was supposed to be. 

      Lance unlocked his door and stepped into his apartment. “Hello! It’s your favorite guy here!”

      “Also me,” Keith added.

      Pidge was already at the door, her small arms wrapped around Lance’s waist. “Yay! You’re finally here!” 

      Hunk appeared in the doorway, smiling. “Hey guys what’s up?”

      “Hey not much,” Keith said casually. He waved at Pidge who waved back. They were talking to each other again, but physical contact was still too much for her. They all moved to the living room, chatting along the way. 

      “Congratulations on 4 months by the way,” Coran said, giving Lance a pat on the back. 

      “Thank you,” Lance smiled. He was actually pretty proud of himself. Getting to 4 months sober had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. The restless nights were not over, but they were slowly lessening. 

      “So Pidge,” Keith said. “How are you doing in the big apple?”

      “Great,” Pidge responded. “I’ve got a few scholarship offers from NYU and Columbia. I’m thinking about going into programming. Maybe for video games. Who knows.”

      “Congratulations!” Hunk exclaimed. “You’re like 12 though.”

      “I know, I’m just that good,” Pidge threw on the cockiest smile she could manage. “What about you Hunk?”

      “I’ve just been staying at home with my mom and Meat,” Hunk said. “It’s great.”

      “Speaking of mothers,” Allura spoke up. “Lance, how is your family?”

      “I finally called them if that’s what you’re asking,” Lance said. “I’m visiting next week. They thought I was dead. But I talked to all of them, it was really nice. My Spanish was kind of rusty because I haven't had a full conversation using only Spanish in forever so my mom yelled at me.”

      “She didn’t yell,” Keith argued. 

      “Yeah, she didn’t yell,” Lance admitted. His defeated tone made the room light up with laughter. They all sat around talking for the rest of the afternoon. They joked around like they used to. They talked like they used to. Everything seemed to be slowly returning to normal. They were all aware that things would never be the same, but they were okay with that. They had gotten better, even if it was only slightly. They were living. They were coping. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you like it and let me know if you want to read more! 
> 
> (too many exclamation marks, yikes)


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